My friend Ben has an annual post-Christmas party devoted to toasting things. That's toasting in the putting bread-based items into a toaster or under a grill, rather than raising a glass of alcohol and choosing some person or cause to justify your alcoholism. Although ironically the "Toast Fest" is basically an excuse to have a party and a drink on one of those boring Between-Christmas-And-New-Year afternoons.
Invitees (and believe me, only the most select of single nerds in their mid-thirties who probably like Star Trek, were there) are asked to bring along something to toast or something that can be put on toast. I popped into Sainsburys on the way to the party to pick some bread-based fancy up, as well as some alcohol, which I would not be toasting with, but which would help me get through an afternoon based upon toast and the inevitable conversations about alternate universes.
Wary that many people would simply bring bread, and in the interests of variety, I looked fro something more interesting to toast. I saw some cut price crumpets which I snapped up, largely due to their cheapness (they were "Taste the Difference" as well, none of your tat), and then I spotted something that I just had to have- a packet of hot cross buns.
Now call me old fashioned, but to me it seems wrong for supermarkets to be selling buns that are traditionally eaten to mark the crucifixion of our Lord, during the week that we celebrate his birth. I know they tend to sell these things all the year round now, but surely it would be seemly to take this week off to avoid the inevitable and unpleasant image of the baby Jesus being ripped from his manger and nailed up to a tree. Perhaps Sainsburys are trying to make some poetic or philosophical allusion to the fact that life and death are inextricably linked. Something along the lines of a doughy version of Samuel Beckett's "We are born astride the grave..." But I don't think it is the place of Sainsburys to do this. They are there to sell us groceries, not to make a comment on the fragility of existence.
To be honest, I can't really see who would be buying hot cross buns at a time like this. Already gorged and glutted from turkey and chocolate and turkish delight, is anyone seriously going to go to the supermarket on the 28th December and think, "You know, I really fancy some hot cross buns today. There's nothing odd about mixing up Easter and Christmas and only a hot cross bun will satiate my hunger today. I wonder if they've got any Easter Eggs in while I'm here."
Of course, I had to buy the buns, just for the sheer perversity of it. And it was certainly the perfect gift for a Toast Fest. Though I find it hard to believe that this was the market that Sainsburys were aiming at. Especially as this supermarket was several miles from the Toast Fest venue (Ben's flat).
Later when I was drunk and there was only toast to eat, I was glad of those buns. I ate nearly all of them.
And even more perversely (for a toast festival) I didn't even toast them.
