I've had it up to here with the Queen. Back in 1977 we excitedly celebrated her Silver Jubilee, with big street parties and union jack hats and I assumed that was the end of it. Then suddenly it's 2002 and the whole shebang is up and running again, this time because she's been on the throne for 50 years. It made us look foolish for making such a big fuss in 77. She made idiots of us all.
And now, to cap it all, we're supposed to celebrate again because she's reigned for 60 years. But who's to say that's the end of it. I bet you she'll still be going in 10 years time and do it all again, then five years later she'll want a party for her 75th anniversary. It could literally go on forever.
I am not going to get caught out again. I refuse to celebrate her diamond jubilee. I will wait until she dies, so we can get a final tally on the years as monarch and I will celebrate then. With street parties, fireworks, the lot. The minute she is dead I will be out there making a fuss about her amazing achievement, but NOT TIL THEN. And then the celebration can be equal to the milestone.
Some might not think it's appropriate to be making merry when the monarch is dead, but I say it's super appropriate. Celebrate when she's dead, not now. It's the only way to truly honour her.
You've tricked me too many times Elizabeth Windsor.
I had terrific fun at the Leicester Square Theatre tonight with my guest Charlie Brooker. I suspected that this might be a good one involving two naughty boys trying to outdo each other with offensive remarks and I wasn't far wrong. It free-wheeled and got dirty and then a bit dirtier, though with moments of genuine philosophy. But mainly just horrible ideas and ways for terrorists to commit more effective atrocities.
Success seems to change some people into arseholes, but Charlie, if anything, seems to have become slightly nicer after his deserved recognition. I actually worried that we were chatting a bit too much backstage and using up all the gold, but luckily there was still some in the tank. One of the things that I enjoy about these podcasts is that we are able to go off at tangents that might not be interesting to everyone, but they don't get cut out. Most of you probably won't be that into the five minute chat about The Twilight Zone or remember the Insignia adverts, but one or two of you will. And I think nostalgia humour about things that no one else recalls or that is from too long ago for the audience to realistically know anything about is much better than being reminded of things you already know about, surely?
At its best the podcast would spiral out of control as one of us suggested something and the other would elaborate and add to it - what fun it is making up comedy in front of a live audience with some of the greatest comic minds in the UK. And how brilliant that I could be ad-libbing with Nicholas Parsons on Friday and with Charlie Brooker on Monday - though to very different effect and not exactly to the same audience.
The problem with interviewing the country's top funny people is that I generally realise how little I have achieved in comparison to them: whilst most of them are getting TV commissions, BAFTA awards and hot-tailing it to Hollywood, I potter around with podcasts and blogs and live tours. If I interviewed a load of washed up failures then I might feel better about myself. As it is I alternate between feeling I should probably give up or that I have to put a rocket up my arse before I am too old. I can't begrudge any of my guests so far their success as they all clearly deserve it. But it's Stewart Lee in a couple of weeks so that should redress the balance.
The podcast will be up soon enough in the usual places. Please spread the word about it if you enjoy it. As always these things are fuelled by your support. Which can be financial in terms of buying a DVD or a ticket, or simply by you letting new people know these exist.
And I keep forgetting to say that another of my old shows, menage a un is now available to download from
Go Faster Stripe. When you download you only get the show, without any of the extras, but they're super cheap at £5 a shot.
