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I woke up early and there was a late check out at the hotel. Bollings always sleeps soundly so I knew he wouldn't be up for an early start and I thought I should maybe go and see HMS Victory - the scene of one of my own greatest victories - in 1989 I'd worked at a summer college for foreign students in Oxford, just accompanying them on activities. One day we came to Portsmouth to see the Victory. They'd all paid me in advance and I'd been told there was no student ticket, but when I got to the booth the woman asked if we were students and when I said yes charged me 99p less PER PERSON. There were maybe 30 students with me and there was no way I could give them all 99p back (come on- how?) so I just kept the difference. A cool £29.70 profit. I am a criminal mastermind (the same thing would later happen at the Roman baths in Bath - I am surprised I am not a mlliionaire). If you were one of those students please get in touch and I will reimburse you.
Anyway I looked up tickets on line and was reminded that the Mary Rose, which I've never seen, was also at the docks. I had to see that. Why had I wasted all of yesterday afternoon?
I jumped in an uber and then had to wait in line for 20 minutes, so I'd only have time for one attraction, so the Mary Rose it was. And very glad I did it - it was a terrific museum. Ernie would love it here. His favourite programme is a documentary where they scan the sea for wrecks and bring them to life with CGI and here was a real life example of this. Not just the ship (that anyone of my vintage will have watched being raised and remember the moment when part of the machinery collapsed and almost fucked up the whole thing) but the thousands of artefacts they found and the skellingtons of dead sailors. It's like a mini medieval Pompeii.
I could have stayed all day and will definitely bring the family here.
Touring a stand up show, when there's not too much driving to do, is like a holiday and when I met up with Bollings, I took him up the Spinnaker. What happens on tour stays on tour.
It's a tower in Portsmouth you uncouth gibbon. If you like looking at things from very high up, then this is for you. But only if the things you want to look at are in the Portsmouth area. It was OK, but a bit overpriced - the Mary Rose cost twice as much but was a hundred times better.
On to Basingstoke, and more mooching in a shopping centre eating Pret a Manger sandwiches. Come on Basingstoke, get a medieval ship in you museum to give visiting comedians something to do. They do have the most amazing Waitrose I've ever seen though, It's huge and futuristic, but I only saw it as we were driving back to the hotel after the gig, so I didn't go in. Maybe that can be my tourist trip tomorrow.
Another lovely gig tonight with another couple of hundred people. I didn't think I'd got any boost from my Taskmaster appearance, but I am pretty sure this is the kind of place where I might have got more like 100 punters six years ago. Bit by bit I am building my audience, from an average of maybe 50 back in 2001. By the time I'm 214 I should be able to play the Hammersmith Apollo.
