5451/18371
Not really champion of the world is he? Champion of the 20 blokes who took part. I could have won it if I’d been allowed to enter. It won’t be a world championship until they let everybody have a go. Then we’ll see.
And until I’ve had a crack at all the circuits in my automatic VW Golf then I think everyone should stop shaking up champagne and behave with some decorum. I wouldn’t waste that fizz. I’d share it out with the crowd. If people brought their own glasses, obviously. I am not made of money.
As we drove to my in-laws for Sunday lunch my daughter said, “I am wearing sunglasses so the sun can’t see me.” Honestly I think she might be on drugs already. What an idiotic thing to say.
We’d nipped out to the supermarket to buy a pumpkin for Halloween. I admit I had left it very late if a man of my age was hoping to fill it by the end of the month. And if I needed any confirmation that the people of Hertfordshire are perverts I discovered that all the pumpkins has sold out. There was just one left on the second shelf and I thought we’d got lucky, but that pumpkin had a big hole in it. We discounted it. Which only later struck me as ridiculous. We weren’t buying the pumpkin to eat it. I mean sure, you could cook up the carved out contents, but why would you? Pumpkin is disgusting. I can only applaud pumpkin farmers for having diversified into jack-o-lanterns and jack-off-o-lanterns (did we really never think of that joke before? Maybe we did. I can’t remember anything about AIOTM). So we were really only going to take the pumpkin home and put holes in it ourselves. Sure the hole wasn’t in the right place for an eye or a mouth, but it might have made a good horn hole (yes, whatever I was using the pumpkin for). I guess it was off putting because it looked like someone had tried to fuck it. That’s just perverse. You’re not meant to fuck a pumpkin. You’re meant to fill it with the ejaculant of six men and then put it on a woman’s head. That’s normal.
