Warming Up

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A few people got in touch to tell me that evidence for yetis has been proven to be from dogs or bears. But guys, c’mon. I was never so stupid to think that yetis exist. It’s Bigfoots that I am interested in. And no one has shown them to be a dog yet. A dog can’t walk through a wood and then look round at you, can it? Well it can. But you’d never get it on film.

My wife and I went to our new dentist. She’d booked us both in, so we ended up with a double appointment. Catie went first but I asked if we could both come in together. “I have no teeth secrets from may wife,” I told them. That’s what I thought, but now, with her sitting in with me, listening to me lying about how many units of alcohol I drink a week (though you should have heard what she was claiming!) and what my teeth cleaning schedule was like (when I admitted I only brushed my teeth once a day- if that- she commented “What have I married?”). It turns out that the one part of your life you should not share with your partner is your mouth. Keep your mouth away from them. And don’t use your mouth to tell them any secrets about your mouth.

The dentist seemed very nice. My wife loved her. But the dentist told me I needed four small fillings. Which can’t be the case. I sometimes brush my teeth once a day. But also I went to my last dentist in June and he didn’t spot anything. What’s to stop dentists saying you need fillings and giving you fillings and pocketing all that lovely fillings cash? The sky is the limit. Well the number of teeth you have is the limit. But those evil dentists will then just saying the filled ones need new fillings. Until your teeth are so full that they’re no longer teeth. I thought about calling her bluff and saying, “Hey, just fill all of them. Save time later.” But instead I just accepted her diagnosis and thanked her for picking my pocket as well as my teeth.

But the joke’s on the dentist because I took two tiny tubes of toothpaste from reception. I am pretty sure they were complimentary, as they were in a big bowl on the window sill. But that will claw back some of the loss.

I have to accept now I am 50 that everything is going to start going wrong, so four small fillings isn’t too bad. Especially given they are all clearly unnecessary.

My tour dates are now all viewable on this handy page http://richardherring.com/ohfrig/tour I doubt that many if any more will be added. The ones that are not yet on sale (like London) should be very soon. What a perfect Christmas gift.

And remember If you’re buying tickets for Christmas and want something concrete to give as well, I am happy to dedicate and sign a programme in return for Scope donation at www.justgiving.com/ohfrigimfifty

Email me your address and who it’s for to herring1967@gmail.com once you’ve donated

I think this week’s RHLSTP is a really good one, with Geoff Lloyd and Ed Miliband

See it on video - 

Listen to it in your ears