4840/17499
I have been an uncle for 32 years, even though my first nephew only celebrated his 8th birthday today. How is that possible? Because it’s 29th February motherfuckers, the one day every four years where women are allowed to propose to men. But when will there be a day when men can propose to women? (as @erstlaub justifiably asked me on Twitter). The inequality of women getting this special day is just staggering.
But Happy Birthday Mike, even if in ten years time my daughter will be older than you, you useless Leap day idiot.
Leonardo DiCaprio has finally won an Oscar. At last he has some validation in his life. Up until now the sprout-faced actor only had his millions of dollars, a constant stream of work in a famously insecure profession and being up to his plums in a supermodel for 18 hours on any given day. So this tiny golden man handed to him by some other (white) multi-millionaires will hopefully help him struggle on with his life.
We passed the local launderette where I saw what I am 95% certain was the man who had given Phoebe a bit of his Italian Danish the other day. I pointed him out to my wife who unsurprisingly said that I shouldn’t have accepted the food from him and definitely not fed it to our daughter. Later she read my blog and found out that the Danish had been in his bag and not bought from the cafe and she was even more certain of my mistake. I mean it’s not much of a moral maze. You really shouldn’t feed your baby food given to you by a stranger at any time. But she has survived the crumb she ingested so all is well. And had I refused the treat then who knows what might have happened. I would have hurt an old man’s feelings at least (though they may still have been hurt by my half-hearted attempt to feed my baby). Life is very difficult. And I don’t even have an Oscar to help me through all my tough times. Not yet.
We had lunch at the Westfield. I saw a friend leaving the counter and heading to the door, which we were sitting by. I tried to catch his eye, but didn’t think he’d spotted me or might be ignoring me (which I am down with, sometimes you don’t want to stop and chat) and as he had a fair distance to walk I decided to look down again and then look up when he was closer to see if he was going to say hello or carry on walking. He was approaching me and so I could smile and say hello. But he then said, “You were trying to ignore me weren’t you? I saw you saw me, but then you looked down."
“No,” I replied,”I thought you might be ignoring me so was giving you the chance to slip out."
He was not convinced. But I was happy to see him and we chatted for a while. But that’s the kind of thing that a person who was trying to make up for appearing to have blanked someone would do. But I wasn’t blanking him. I was just looking down to give him the option of moving on and to avoid an embarrassing five seconds where we’d have had to maintain eye contact whilst being too far apart to start talking.
It’s another moral maze.
And weirdly later still we would pass Dan Tetsell near the supermarket. “It’s Dan Tetsell,” I said loudly to my wife, but Dan Tetsell didn’t hear, or pretended not to. “Tetsell!” I said three times before it was too awkward for him to pretend not to have seen me. I was one foot away from him by the third one. He did a good job of looking like he’d been in a reverie. Ironically if we do an AIOTM sketch about this then he can play himself (though it might be more fun to get Emma to play him).
