7274/19794
When like me you have fought the battle against cancer and won and come out a superman, there is always the fear that the cancer army will make a surprise counter attack and take out something more vital that a testicle. And yeah, I don’t really feel that I have won anything anyway. If there is a war against cancer, then people who have cancer are just the battlefield and the fight is between cancer and the medical staff that will try to win the ground that is you, with as few chunks taken out as possible. It’s great to survive (though eventually the forces of death will take both you and the people working on your behalf) but I just don’t think the person with cancer has much say or influence in any of this. It’s worth facing up to it with positivity, humour and as much strength as you can muster, just in case, but ultimately it’s down to others. And I am very grateful to those others that I am still here 20 months after realising what was happening. And also very grateful that they get me in every now and again to scan my bollock and photocopy my insides to check all is still well.
I went in to see Doctor Sharma (that’s right, from off of the Can I Have My Ball Back Audiobook) so he could give me news on my recent scan and blood tests. I wasn’t too nervous. I feel fantastic this week, having finally got back into exercising and eating less and drinking loads of water. I don’t know why I always forget how much better life is when you’re being moderately healthy, but I will try to remember of the next time this inevitably goes tits up.
The good news is that I am OK. My bloods were fine. My testosterone levels are fine, so the remainer has doubled his efforts to keep all equipment functioning at expected levels for a 55 year old (ie not good). I have a few cysts and nodules and clumps of fat throughout my body, but they’re pretty much all the same as last year and nothing to worry about. If you’re read my book (spoiler alert) you’ll know that this year I discovered a cyst on the remainer, which was a cause of some concern but turned out to be harmless. It’s essentially my remaining bollock’s bollock, which I don’t mind. Through I fear it might be Right Bollock attempting a come back so he can try to fuck me up again. Anyway that little blighter keeps on growing and is 3cm long now. Which sounds horrifying, but I am assured is nothing to worry about for now, but they will be keeping an eye on it. Basically I am back to being just about as healthy as I was before all of this malarkey and for the next few years I will be getting check ups to ensure that nothing nasty is creeping back in. So I am hopeful I can squeeze another couple of decades out of existence, by which time they should have a pill that makes you immortal and also robot testicles.
So you know, that’s something of a relief.
A lively Twitch of Fun tonight - available from Friday in the usual places.
