I was driving home along the M40 this afternoon about half an hour from home, needing a wee and wondering whether I could hold out that long when the traffic came to a stop. It had been pissing down with rain (see how even the weather mocked my full bladder) and I had just been thinking that there was likely to be an accident and indeed it seemed my chilling prediction had come true. And it had all happened a matter of seconds ahead of me. Just like
on this occasion I had been lucky, but whatever had occurred had clearly blocked the whole road and so my bladder did not feel so lucky. And unlike last time there was no bank to climb up to have a surreptitious wee. I would have had to urinate on the hard shoulder in full view of everyone and I have trouble enough weeing in public toilets if there is anyone else around. So I was going to have to hold it in. I could try and go in the car, but someone might have seen and I had not suitable container, only a plastic bag and I am far too civilised and urbane to even consider weeing in a plastic bag in a car. What kind of monster wouldn't be?
Smoke was now rising up ahead and I started to feel bad that I was concerned with such trivia when something nasty had clearly occurred. And after a few more minutes there were flames visible. It was hard to make out what was on fire. It seemed to be coming from a bus at the front, but I realised that the flames were just being reflected on its bodywork. We'd been there for a good fifteen minutes and there was no sign of the emergency services and now I started to get more concerned. What if someone was trapped in the burning vehicle? It seemed unlikely as there were people just milling around near the front of the queue and surely if there was anyone in danger then someone would be trying to help. But then I wasn't doing anything, so who knows? The fire was burning so intensely that I started to fear that it might spread to nearby vehicles. There was lots of smoke and it again looked like the bus was burning, but it wasn't luckily.
I couldn't believe that the fire brigade weren't here yet. Surely someone had rung them. But then again, I hadn't. It felt like that was the responsibility of the people nearer the front, but what if they'd just decided to toast marshmallows instead. I felt certain that whatever was on fire was going to explode, but it just kept burning.
It was another five or ten minutes before sirens were heard and even then the engines were coming up the other carriageway and so they whizzed by. It seemed to take an age for them to get back on our side. I presumed that if things had been serious they would have stopped on the other side of the road and jumped over the barrier with their hoses, or maybe that is considered too dangerous. If anyone had been in the car then I guess it wouldn't have made much difference.
Once they got there the blaze was quickly out, though of course we didn't get moving for quite some time and things were getting uncomfortable for me. But finally just as I began looking at the plastic bag for holes things started to get going.
I passed the burnt out car and three other vehicles on the hard shoulder that had obviously been in the accident. They had got away relatively unscathed, but of course the car that had been on fire was just a shell. It looked like whoever had been in there would have had plenty of time to get out, but that would spoil your day though wouldn't it? You set out in a nice working car and then minutes later it's a total wreck that will never be driven again. You wouldn't be expecting that. But I guess you'd be counting your lucky stars that you'd survived the accident and not been all burned up, so every cloud of smoke has a silver lining.
I couldn't be too concerned for anyone else as the wee situation was now quite desperate. I got off at the next junction and managed to find a car park with an empty section and did my business there. Condtions were bad and I was literally pissing in the wind, but luckily managed to avoid being soaked in my own urine, which would have made for an unpleasant journey home. I really must invest in some kind travel urinal.
