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We’ve hardly been in the big car this year, as all gigs further than the range of an electric car got cancelled and we’ve had no big family jaunts. I’ve only had to take the people carrier into the garage for an MOT and then a service/manufacturer recall. On that second one I noticed a pretty horrible smell in the car. My guess was that the kids had dropped something under a seat the last time we were in and it had rotted and cooked in the heat of the many days the car had sat at the road side. Or something had crawled in and died. I hoped the garage would find it in the course of the valet and opened the windows.
But it was still there when I picked the car up and I felt embarrassed that the mechanics will have thought I was a big stinky poo poo.
Tomorrow the whole family is getting in the car as we drive off on holiday. I went to see if the dead creature/piece of food had rotted to nothing and the smell had dissipated, but it was worse than ever and I knew I was going to have to take the car apart if necessary to find out what was going on. Armed with a cordless vacuum and some Detail wipes I went for it. I tried to smell my way to victory, but everywhere smelt as bad as everywhere else. Could it be a small splash of milk or yogurt on the baby seat that was causing the issue? Surely not. I wiped it down anyway and the smell did not go away.
I looked under the seats. There was some rubbish and crumbs and the odd crust of bread, but nothing that was rotten or mummified.
Finally under the middle second row seat I delved my hand around and came across something sizeable. I pulled it out. It was a tub of humous from January 2020. As much as I envied this humous for coming from a more innocent time, and presumably unaware of what had happened since it slipped out of a bag for life and under a seat six months ago, I was also pretty certain that I’d found the problem.
Luckily and remarkably the humous had not exploded rotten dead chick pea mush all over the car. It was still sealed in plastic and nothing had seeped out. Which made the stink sort of more impressive too. It had got through being completely sealed in. I didn’t bother sniffing it up close as I wanted my lunch to stay in my stomach, but quickly threw it in a bin and ran away in case being shaken up caused it to blow.
The rotten humous death smell may well still be in the car. It certainly clung to my nostrils for the rest of the day. Who would have thought that if you leave humous in a hot car for half a year that this would happen? It was organic too. So you’d expect better.
But thank God I managed to locate it or I think we’d have had a pretty unpleasant journey tomorrow.
Over 1000 people tuned in to see episode 4 of Twitch of Fun. I was a little bit drunk and the show was interrupted by a crying baby, a wasp and possibly a bird (though I might have imagined it - the whole thing felt like a fever dream). So I have no idea if it was good or shit. But then that’s sort of the point. There’s a surprise new character for you to enjoy though.
Or watch
on Twitch for the full version where I disappear to look after my child.
I haven’t watched it for a while but was quite impressed with it. Maybe the first time I saw it I was lamenting the great funny bits that had had to be cut to get this down to time, but it’s still funny and without the more sketchy moments it works well as a drama. Rachel Stubbings is particularly impressive and Phoebe Herring makes a cute cameo appearance. Beautifully directed by Ben Mallaby. It’s a bit disturbing and weird, but that shouldn’t surprise you. Have a look.
