4451/17370
I have bought an exercise bike, partly because I need one for the rerun of Christ on a Bike in the summer (see all 12 of my one man shows- including a new one-
at the Leicester Square Theatre) and partly because I thought I might get in more Pointless work outs if I could do them at home. The exercise bike was a cheap one and I had to build it myself. It was mildly complex but possibly the first time in history that I have constructed something from instructions without making a single error (and for once, the diagram only instructions were super-clear and idiot proof). It still took me three days, but mainly because it was incredibly difficult to get the rubber sleeves on to the handlebars. The instructions recommended using soapy water, but I’ve never had any problem with sliding sheaths on to rock hard objects before (I was trying to imply I had had loads of sex and had a very turgid penis, but now realise that sentence actually makes me look like I’ve spent a lot of time putting condoms on a variety of priapic members) so thought I’d do it unlubricated for added frisson. This may have been a mistake. In fact putting the rubber sheath on to the handlebars proved to be a better work out than anything I think I will ever achieve on the bike. My arm muscles were actually aching today and I thought it was some injury from my fall, but realised as I continued my sword in the stone like quest that it was down to the pulling and turning and squeezing that I had had to do to get the handlebars into this semi-sheathed state.
Even when I relented and sprayed the handlebars with my special lubricant it was still a tough job. But this morning I finally completed the task, with only one small blister on my hand and a minor burn on my palm (which might have been from the fall I suppose). I had a real sense of achievement for having done something that felt almost impossible. I screwed the handlebars into place. I had constructed an exercise bike. And it worked.
It’s not as good as the ones at the gym, but it’s fit for purpose and gives me a chance to get some exercise done when I don’t have time to get to the gym (which I am guessing will be a lot of the time in the coming weeks/years/lifetime).
But I wondered if I could sell the handlebars to people as an exercise item. They have to put on the sheaths and then send them back to me and I’ll send them another one to do. They only pay £5 a time to do this and meanwhile, my exercise bike business comes with ready made handlebars and so does better than all the other exercise bike businesses.
It turned out that last Saturday night wasn’t our last Saturday night without a baby. This one might be. Or we might have another one or two to go (though suspect my wife will not be too up for going out night-clubbing if the baby stays in that long). It’s great to spend some time together, but the waiting is interminable and some would argue worse for Catie than for me. Still unable to visualise any of it, but really want to meet my baby now.
