I was driving along the M40 today, in no particular hurry to get anywhere. I noticed a sign at one junction that I have seen a hundred times before and always ignored which said, "Model Village". One of my New Year's resolutions is to be more spontaneous. I feel that I am wasting too much of my time (still) sitting around doing nothing and I should be trying to experience more. If nothing else it should make for more interesting Warming Ups.
Now you might think that going to a model village is hardly the most exciting experience in the world, but I convinced myself that by detouring from my route and finally going to see this attraction would be my last great adventure of a fairly unadventurous 2005.
After all, you would probably have thought there would be nothing interesting to say about a pencil museum, but you would have been wrong.
On top of this I remember visiting a model village a couple of times when I was a kid. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the same one, but we went there as a family, breaking up a long journey and I loved it. Imagine, it was like a village, but much much smaller. Perhaps this was more fun as a child, because I was small myself, so towering over houses made me feel huge and more important, like a Godzilla. But you know, I am still quite small and still need to feel as important as a Godzilla, so that might be a good thing.
I was also slightly hoping that the model village might be a scale model, so that in fact the experience would be just walking around a normal village. I suppose all villages could be seen as being model villages in this sense and I could have saved some money by just visiting any of them. But I didn't care. I was being all spontaneous and was sure that by taking this unscheduled stop something amazing would happen. Fate would intervene and reward me. Possibly by getting me arrested for suspiciously walking around a model village with no child in tow. I could spend the new year in the police cells and join the long list of show people suspected of having an unhealthy interest in children. Would the papers believe that I was merely trying to do something that I could write about in my weblog, or would that look like a terrible excuse?
A small voice in my head niggled at me as I bit the bullet and followed the signs, saying, "What if the model village is closed?" But I quickly banished such thoughts. "Closed?" I countered, "On New Year's Eve? This is the busiest day of the year for model villages. As people realise that they haven't seen a model village all year and are in danger of breaking last year's resolution to visit at least one model village." I drove on. Following the signs down winding roads, which took me further and further away from the motorway. I thought it would be quite funny if the signs carried on for about ten miles, having taken me down various twists and turnings and then just disappeared, leaving me to realise there was no model village and to find my own way back to civilisation.
But finally I drew near to the attraction that would surely provide the best WU entry of the year. I parked up in Somerfield car park and followed the signs to the model village.
But disaster, as I approached it seemed the gates were shut and as I got nearer I could see padlocks on the gates. Disappointingly the gates were normal size, so I couldn't just step over them. There was a sign saying the model village was closed until February. What kind of idiot has a model village and closes it during the busy model village season? A model idiot, that's what kind.
I thought about pretending that the town of Beaconsfield which I was now in was a scale model village, but to be honest it gave me a lot less pleasure than I had anticipated. I got in the car and tried to find my way back to the Motorway, which was harder than it might have seemed, making me think I had been the victim of a huge practical joke after all. What a disappointing way to end the year.
But if you want to try and imagine what I missed and try and guess the scrapes that I got into, then check out the tantalising website (if only I had checked it first, but then how spontaneous would that have been? Not very).
I will make it my new year's resolution to visit Bekonscot at some point in the next twelve months, even though they disappointed me so this time. I bet the Pencil Museum was open today. They know how to treat the public.
