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If you know me at all then you know how important the Solero is to me.
I'd say I'm second a father, third a comedian, fourth a slef-playing snookerist and fecret ftone clearer, fifth a lover, nineteenth a fighter and first and foremost a Solero eater.
Exotic, not the berry ones. I am not sick.
Today after a quick jaunt into town I was despatched to Waitrose to get some cheese for the kids, but in the supermarket I remembered that I was out of Soleros and so bought four boxes of the things. Someone likes Soleros.
No, not for immediate consumption - the great thing about Soleros is that one is enough for any human being, it's literally impossible to eat two in a day - but so I had them in the house for when the fancy took me. Once a day. For twelve days. Once I am back from the holiday.
It was a very hot day and I'd had lunch so I ate one of them by the car whilst I waited for Catie, but the others (and the cheese) I put in the boot and covered with a blanket. The sun is the enemy of the Solero and yet perversely when you are most likely to eat one (not me - I have one every day). The Solero needs the sun to be commercially successful and yet the sun would destroy all Soleros if it could. Which is why they have evolved to be so delicious, so they will always be consumed before the sun can get them. Apart from the Berry ones which conversely are so horrible that no one will ever take them out of the freezer. And thus Soleros will live forever by being the best and worst tasting things on the planet.
I was very concerned the lollies wouldn't melt in the hot car boot, but I thought the blanket would do the trick.
We had to rush home as I had a remote business meeting, but we got everything we needed to do done and I was very happy with myself. I rushed off to get my laptop and did the meeting. And then later came down to make dinner. It was only when Catie asked where the cheese was that I realised I hadn't taken the shopping bags out of the car. Two and a half hours had passed and the car was in direct hot sunlight. I hoped the blanket had some how worked its magic - I don't know how as blankets make things warmer if anything and put all the Soleros in the freezer without daring to check their status. They were Schrodinger's Soleros at this point. But then Phoebe went to get one and it was just a bag of Solero juice. The Solero was dead and though you could freeze that mashed up corpse, it would be a terrible Frankingstein Solero. Worse than a berry one.
The sun had killed eleven Soleros and so could set happy (unlike the Soleros) and I was culpable in their loss. My only consolation was that I had eaten one of them before the whole debacle played out. It was an expensive Solero but it lived so that others might die. Also he died. Just in my stomach which is what he wanted.
