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Goodbye Tomiko Itooka. You were a candle in the wind.
But not a very impressive wind. And more of a forest fire.
So soon after losing the oldest ever President of the USA. I can only reiterate that I hope I never get to be the oldest person in the world. It's an absolute death sentence. Please let's look after Inah Canabarro Lucas (who was only 16 days younger than Tomiko, so do keep an eye out). At least she gets a shot at the title. And Inah is a nun, so if she dies then that proves there's no God (and vice versa).
We went to Cheddar's finest restaurant
La Rocca for lunch. The Gorge was unsurprisingly quiet given the coldness of the season, but we had a fun meal and played "Who am I?" with post-it notes stuck to our heads. Dad was Richard Herring. He wishes.
He got it quickly though, mainly because he had first asked "Is he a man?" and I said "Very much so." His first thought was Tarzan, but he got to me very quickly.
After lunch I drove the oldies home and came back for a little wander up the Gorge. We went to have a look at the Cheddar Sweet Kitchen which I confess I don't think I'd ever been in, but I remembered that they made their own sweets and you could watch, which I thought would be fun for the kids. But even though the shop was still had signs up about sweets, there was just a shelf of fudge and the place was now selling trinkets and crystals and stuff.
There was a sign promising sweets this way, but it led nowhere. We talked to the slightly morose man behind the counter. "What are you up to today? he asked, "Don't tell me you're mooching," he answered with a good side order of bitterness before we had a chance to tell him we were visiting relatives. Ernie was interested in the amethysts but they were pretty expensive.
When it became clear that we weren't going to buy anything his face fell further and he said he might as well shut up now. "This place is dead," he said, perhaps unaware it was a freezing day in January which has never been peak tourist time, even in happier days for the Gorge. "It's over."
Even when I worked in the Caves in the 80s Cheddar was past its heyday, but it's a great day out and the Gorge especially is beautiful. I am sad the man's business is not going well, but maybe they should take down some of the signs about sweets, because there aren't any, so they're going to get customers like me who (after only 50 years) finally want to see how sweets are made and then are offered some bags of fudge.
There were rumours that the caves would not open again after they closed during Covid, but the attractions did open their doors (do caves have doors?) a couple of years ago. I spent many happy days up here, mooching, failing to talk to girls, eating Big Feast lollies and eventually working up here. And I've spent my whole adult life trying to get one sitcom or other off the ground about the place. I love it here and I love Cheddar and it deserves to be on every tourist's list. Even if you can't see sweets being made here any more.
We popped into a shop that was more up front about selling tat (also ice cream and loads more sweets and fudge than the ex-sweet factory). Ernie saw one of those toy cactuses that sway when music is played. He really wanted it. He's had enough tat over Christmas and refuses to part with anything, so there was no way he was getting it. He said he wouldn't leave the shop unless he got it. It was a cute rather than petulant protest and one with no teeth as this boy is scared to go to the toilet on his own so would definitely not hang around if we all left the shop. The girl behind the counter didn't pre-accuse of us of being moochers and stepped in to say that the cactus was actually hers and it wasn't for sale. In spite of it clearly having a price tag on it. It was very nice of her. She knew she wasn't getting a sale in any case, so she might as well help out. As a reward I spent £10,000 on fudge and Man Cave signs and a rip off Thor Hammer.
Or at least was more inclined to.
Instead I will give Cheddar something much more valuable, a plug in my blog, which is read by up to 5000 people. If just one of them decides to go to the magnificent Cheddar Gorge to buy an amethyst and a dancing cactus then that could save the place.
Or if a TV producer is reading this - Cheddar Gorge is on its arse so will be a really cheap place to film, especially in the winter. Make one of my scripts and we can save this place and make it the number one (summer) tourist destination. And finally there will be a museum about me and my life and probably a statue of me, in gratitude for all I have done. So we'll all be winners.
