I had another meeting at the BBC to pitch some ideas to a friendly executive. Things perhaps are looking up in that direction.
As I entered the heavily fortified and security conscious reception (all kinds of strange revolving doors and security screens that can only be opened with the correct pass) I noticed that a small brief case was lodged in a gap in front of the reception desk area. The receptionists themselves could not see it from where they were sitting. And though the most likely explanation for all this was that someone who had previously signed in had inadvertently left it behind, of course my initial thought was that this might be some kind of explosive device. Though if that was the case it was probably put there by someone who hated the woman on reception, and more specifically her legs. Even then the desk was pretty sturdy and I think she may have been safe, though the people seated in the waiting area might well have been in some trouble.
I suppose that if a terrorist wanted to hit the BBC then this might be the easiest way to do so, without having to get past security, whilst also taking out most of the security personnel.
"There's a bag down here," I pointed out and then rather bravely I thought, lifted it up and put it on the top of the desk (which if the bomber had been after the receptionist would have been playing into his hands). "It was just sitting down there," I explained.
One of the men behind the desk shook the bag a little saying, "It might be a bomb," in an unconcerned voice.
"Well that's a very efficient way to find out," I told him, "Just give it a bit of a shake and if it goes bang it's probably a bomb and if it doesn't then it might still be one, but just on a timer or something."
He laughed along as he shook the bag a bit harder and though I was kind of making a joke, a part of me was thinking, "No, don't do that. I mean it could really be a bomb."
This is what makes the bombers' job quite easy. When faced with a suspect package people are too embarrassed to treat it too seriously for fear of looking like they overreacted when (in all likelihood) it turns out to be a false alarm. Although the correct procedure if no-one claimed the bag, would be to evacuate the building and call the police we all knew this would take up a lot of time and effort and disrupt everyone's day. I didn't want it. I was hear to pitch a sit-com about Scrabble players and a TV version of this very blog (amongst other things) and it would be very inconvenient if a bomb scare stopped that meeting happening. Probably more inconvenient than being blown up by a bomb being shaken by a curious BBC staff member. So we worked on the principle that if we all really believed that it wasn't a bomb, then it wouldn't be one. It's a pity more people in war zones don't think of this one.
Other staff were gathering around the possible bomb (again just the exact opposite of what one should be doing, but again always what people will do - bombers note. I'm giving you some good tips here). One of them then opened the bag to check for sure that it wasn't a bomb. Again, not sure that is the brightest thing to do in the circumstances, although everything would have got pretty bright had he been wrong. Nothing combusted and so he started rooting through the stuff to double-check there wasn't a bomb hidden away in the depths anywhere. Fortunately there wasn't. Just some folders and pieces of paper. They managed to find something with a name on and shouted the name out, but no-one claimed the bag. Maybe the person had gone inside already. Maybe they had the bomb with them, having taken it out of the briefcase when they arrived. Maybe they meant to leave the bomb and take the briefcase and had messed it up, absent-mindedly and were now driving off and about to realise their mistake just a split second too late.
Probably it was as I'd initially guessed, it was just a briefcase, accidentally left behind. Something which happens a lot and which thus means we will never seriously believe the one time when the bag turns out to be able to blow up a building.
There are ads on the tube telling people to ring the police if they see an unattended bag or let the unthinkable happen, but the truth is we will be too scared to look foolish and cause extra inconvenience to everyone else's day to do anything about it. But with luck if we all keep up with our thinking-it-isn't-a-bomb technique then we should all be OK.
If nothing else the incident gave me a good example of the sort of thing that I write about in the blog for the TV executive. Who seemed to like the idea (of blogging rather than bombing). So provided the BBC isn't destroyed by some lunatic or Christian offended by the work of Stewart Lee, then you never know what might happen.
