After a very enjoyable sold out gig at the Ashcroft Theatre in Fareham I was feeling pretty good about the tour. Ticket sales are keeping up and the lurgy is slowly retreating and I have more energy on stage. It seemed to have gone very well.
But over breakfast I was to discover that not everyone agreed. I got this email - and before you feel bad for me, it just made me laugh and didn’t diminish the night before. I just felt a bit sorry for the man who sent it.
'Hi Richard,
I just wanted to take the opportunity to say that I was embarrassed for you at last night's show.
You simply aren't funny, your 'jokes' are puerile and your 'observational' comedy is Cringy and forced.
It's no surprise I left at the interval. The biggest waste of £15 x 2 I've ever made.
And just to be clear, if your children don't love you unconditionally then that's your fault for being a shit dad. They'll grow up being embarrassed of you because you act like you're 29 when you are in fact old enough to be their grandad.
I think you need to grow up and stop pretending you've just left university and you are 'edgy'. Because basically you are a (nearly) 50 year old guy unable to accept his age.
Good luck with the rest of the tour.
John”
Wow! John really didn’t like the show, right? I don’t know why he felt the need to tell me personally or indeed why he felt the need to get so personal in doing so. Not that those insults were likely to really hurt me as they are pretty much what I say myself on stage. “ Because basically you are a (nearly) 50 year old guy unable to accept his age.” - I mean that’s essentially my Fringe programme entry.
But the very fact he bothered was enough to convince me that the deficiency lay within him. I mean, sure he and his partner had left at the interval, but even though the theatre is small I didn’t notice them go and the remaining people seemed to have had a good time. It’s an odd impetus to give your opinion in this way when it was so clearly at odds with the people around you. By that token this man has excellent prospects for a job as a comedy critic.
Clearly, for whatever reason, the bit where I talk about parental love being a given and children’s inability to love had got to him for whatever reason. But the thing that nags at me is, is this the biggest waste of £30 he’s ever made, or is it specifically the biggest waste of two lots of £15?
Although my “jokes” are not joke, at least my “observational” comedy is still comedy. It’s just not observational. That’s pretty amazing to make comedy without observing. And the classy “Good luck with the rest of the tour,” passive aggression at the end, shows we’re dealing with a comedy giant.
I don’t like to think that people have not enjoyed my show, though due to the subjective nature of humour, it is alas inevitable - though this is the show where I have tried to be the most crowd pleasing (especially in the first half.
I wrote back to him.
"Ha ha, oh dear. You idiot” I then deleted the “you idiot” bit.
"Sorry you didn’t enjoy it. Humour is subjective, as the 100+ other laughing people showed. I am not for everyone and it’s a shame you wasted your money. Happy to send you a cheque if you give me your address.
The character I play on stage is of someone who is nearly 50 and unable to accept his age. You’re meant to be laughing at him, not getting hurt by the stupid things he says. Only someone insecure about their own relationship with their children could be upset with something that is so clearly ridiculous.
When I see something I don’t like I move on and learn from the experience, I don’t bother emailing the person involved to blame them for not fitting in with my subjective opinion. Looks like I am not the only childish one. The offer of a refund stands. Just send me your address
Good luck with your anger issues. I am after all just playing a character,which I leave on stage.
Richard”
He hasn’t responded as yet. Even with that tasty carrot of £15 times 2 waiting for him. I will send it in two different cheques.
Some comments and reviews do get under your skin, but this one really didn’t. My skin is pretty thick. And my expectations realistic. I assume from Twitter that some people think that if you’re a comedian you live in a delusional world where you imagine that everyone thinks you’re funny. And though there are some properly delusional comics out there, I don’t think any of them could seriously think that. Also most of the will have thought much worse stuff about themselves than you could come up with. It’s a strange impetus to want to shoot someone down in flames, but then I had clearly made him feel bad for either loving his kids or maybe for not loving his kids or maybe his kids didn’t love him. I mean who could blame them. He’s a bit of a dick, right?
I was still fascinated by what kind of person might have sent this and what he had already inadvertently revealed about himself. At least have the bravery to shout it out at the time. Not wait until the morning after. But that’s a special kind of anger if it lasts through a sleep too. I have composed letters and emails in the heat of a disappointment that I have then not posted or sent. This guy had thought about this, slept on it and still felt as angry.
On the way back from a cracking gig in Colchester Arts Centre, one of my favourite places to play and a crowd who really seem to get me (though I might have spotted a walk out at one point - you can’t please everyone), I did my usual summing up about this show being my best, so if you haven’t liked it at least you never need to see me again. I added that there was no need to email though and talked briefly about this man.
On the way home, my tour manager Bex asked if I’d really been emailed and I said I had and she said she thought she knew who by. A couple had arrived very early for the gig and had been complaining loudly that the start time was 8pm, not 7.30pm as was more usual at the venue. Apparently this couple come to all the shows at the theatre. The wife was quieter and less annoyed (and when a couple leave I always think of the possible, but unlikely coincidence that they both hated the show - one is usually led by the other), but the man was already in a bad mood. Not the right frame of mind for a comedy gig. The best comedian in the world can not make someone who is determined not to laugh, laugh.
Even though I know that the most innocuous and ridiculous things can trigger anger and hatred in a comedy situation, it still surprises me when it happens. You have to have a very literal mind to believe that I mean everything I am saying in the sexcrement bit.
I just feel pity for him that he is so eaten up with anger. But I feel sorrier for his wife. I feel getting her 1 times £15 back wouldn’t be much of a consolation. But I’d like to know what she really thought of the gig. It’s unlikely she liked it. But I hope that in spite of herself and her furious husband something made her chuckle (at least internally).
