I was saddened to read about the death of
Keith Waterhouse, partly because I admired his work (and I hadn't even realised that he had written for the TV series Worzel Gummidge), but mainly because he was part of a very rare breed. Someone called Keith who was actually a bit cool.
My middle name is Keith, a name passed down to me from my father, whose middle name was also Keith, but who chose to be known by that name, even though his actual first name is the much less embarrassing "Thomas". Why would you prefer Keith to Thomas? Who knows how the mysterious brain of TK Herring works?
Anyway, aside from my dad, who is obviously very cool, cool Keiths are very thin on the ground. Keith Richards maybe. Keith Moon for sure. Keith Carradine? No that's pushing it too far. His brother was cool, at least until the wardrobe incident, but Keith was a wally. And I use the word wally advisedly as it is similar to the word Keith in its naffness. And I use the word naffness advisedly too, as it also belongs to the same group. Keith, wally, naff. All awful words that the world might be better off without.
Because the uncool Keiths are certainly in the ascendancy. Keith Harris, Keith Chegwin, Keith from Boyzone. The list is literally endless. Well the list is literally three. But although it turns out there are actually more cool Keiths than uncool ones, Chegwin and Harris particularly skew the picture.
And the name Keith is uncool and we can't afford to lose one of the cool ones.
You can help here. Please if you have a baby, whether male or female, name it Keith. But only if it looks like its going to be a cool person. If it looks a bit uncool call it Brad or George or Beckham and try and take those names down. Make a snap judgement and try and make sure that a cool baby gets called Keith. Or just force the Keith child to be cool as it grows up whether it wants that or not. Then the name can be rehabilitated and I won't be so ashamed to be a middle name Keith.
I know I have already asked you to call your babies Adolf, but maybe you could call them Adolf Keith or even AdolfKeith.
I hope Keith Waterhouse's death will lead to a rash of new babies being called Keith, just like Jade Goody's death has probably done the same for Jade. Then his tragic death at the young age of 80 will not have been in vain.
Don't let the name die out. I will be naming my first son Something Keith Herring. Though maybe "Something" is a bit of a cruel first name. You'd call yourself Keith if your first name was Something, but Thomas? My first name's Dick and I prefer that to Keith.
But Keith is still good. So use it. Make AdolfKeith the most popular name (for both boys and girls) in next year's baby name list.
