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Like Nigel Farage I am fed up with women ostentatiously breast-feeding their babies in public. Today I saw a woman place her baby in a high chair in Starbucks, then cross the entire length of the coffee shop, get out both breasts (even though she only used one of them) and squirt her milk across the shop into her baby’s mouth. I was impressed that not a drop was spilled, but when oh when will women stop this wanton exhibitionism? You can’t get through an hour in this city without seeing someone using their breasts for their natural purpose. Though to be honest, usually you have to position yourself at quite an acute angle to see everything that’s going on. And even then you can’t usually see the nipples cos the stupid baby’s head is in the way. But it must stop. Well done to Nigel Farage for pointing out this menace, which is as real and destabilising as immigration and political correctness gone mad.
And when will people stop criticising Farage every time he says a dumbass thing. The press go after him like jackals, just because he says the first thing that pops into his head. Don’t they realise that he belongs to the weakest and lowest class of people in this country and is the ultimate victim. Attacking someone as pure and simple and stupid as him is like getting furious at a baby for suckling on its mother’s teat. Leave him alone.
I had an interview with the Readers Digest over the phone today. I was asked “If you could be a fly on the wall, whose wall would you choose?” I pointed out that this was a difficult question. If I was a human on a wall I’d love to be a human on the wall of Amy Pond’s house, just to see what she gets up to. But if I was a human on a wall, Amy Pond would see me on her wall and tell me to leave and call the police. Yet if I was a fly on her wall I would have the instincts, appetites and interests of a fly and would no longer be interested in spying on Amy Pond. It would be a waste of my magic powers of being a fly. If I was a fly I would like to be on the wall of a room full of shit or very attractive lady flies. What kind of a fly would be interested in human affairs or be turned on by looking at an attractive human. Only a very perverted fly.
She tried to make me understand that I would be a human inside the body of a fly, but even if that was possible (which I seriously doubt) then surely I would be more concerned with how I was going to get out of the fly body and whether I was now trapped like this forever. I surely couldn’t get any joy from looking at Amy Pond or this weird intrusive crime I was committing and there would be nowhere we could take it even if she liked the idea of me being a man in a fly’s body due to the incompatibility of our genitalia. It’s a weird and inappropriate question that smacks for me of entrapment. Whatever you answer you are some kind of pervert, either a peeping Tom or someone who dreams of being inside an insect who wants to break every taboo of its species. I don’t know what wall a fly would like to be on as I am a human. I am not even sure flies understand what walls are or have any particular desire to be on one more than any other and it’s extremely difficult for me to put myself in the mindset of a fly and work out where it would be. And why limit the location to just walls? The question troubled me greatly and made me doubt everything that I believe. But then when the journalist asked me what superpower I would like I wanted to be a fly. Who could travel through time. But only within its own lifetime like Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap. Probably a waste of a superpower as I don’t think flies understand time or live long enough for the time travel thing to really make much difference.
The thing I hate most is interviewers asking surreal and non-sensical questions designed to just send the interviewee round in circles.
Might ask this one in the new series of RHLSTP though.
