The second recording of TWTTIN was slightly marred by some last minute censorship from the powers that be at Radio 2. I had written an admittedly slightly controversial for Saturday lunchtime opening monologue, which I personally believe went just far enough without going too far to be offensive. It's based on a genuine quote from Schopenhauer and is thus educational as well as amusing. I was very pleased with it indeed. Here it is, "I believe it was Schopenhauer who said, Clio, the muse of history, is as thoroughly infected with lies as a street whore with syphilis. And I say, How do YOU know, Schopenhauer? Well if he is correct then That Was Then This Is Now is the show that acts as an historical condom, protecting you from the lies, whilst simultaneously numbing any enjoyment you might get out of the experience. But at least were more responsible than Parson and Naylors pull-out section. Thats just reckless."
OK, it's a little racey, but I offered to change "street whore" to "prostitute" and "condom" to prophylactic" and in any case I don't think there's anything all that rude about it. The correct names are being used. It is giving out a safe sex message (though at the same time being truthful to admit that condoms can sometimes dampen the sexual experience a little) and as I kept telling my producer it wasn't me that said the rude things, it was the respected philosopher Schopenhauer. If the Radio 2 compliance man had a problem with it he should take it up with him. The issue went right up to the Controller of Radio 2 who I hoped would recognise the comedic genius of the routine, but who instead agreed that it was not suitable and offered to meet up with me next week to discuss what things can and cannot be discussed on her prudish radio station. It's like being told to go to the headmistress's office. I will let you know how it goes. I very much enjoyed arguing my dubious corner with everyone else, but I think I am still right. I don't think the word condom is one that we should be shy of discussing at any time and anyway, it's really funny.
Consequently I had to spend the 30 minutes before the recording hastily re-writing a new opening. Which wasn't an ideal situation. But tune in on Saturday at 1 to see what I came up with Perhaps at the same time read out the above script to yourself so you can get an idea of just how good it could have been.
They also had a problem with us discussing the death of Felix Wankel, the inventor of the Wankel Rotary Engine, which seems extreme as that is just a man's name. You can't censor a name. Tune into see if that makes it through the censor's impervious net. I hope it does. But who can say what the strange shadowy figures at Radio 2 will make of it.
