The Collings and Herring podcast has been spreading its evil tendrils throughout the world. On the whole people seem to like it and appreciate the efforts of two once great and successful broadcasters who are making a tinny sounding show in the attic of one of their houses. I think people also appreciate that we do it for no obvious return. Though, of course there are always people who don't appreciate that. But then they have to live with being those kind of people and so we shouldn't feel sorry for them.
We might be accidentally taking part in the new phenomenon
freeconomics (as discussed in the Guardian today). If so then I have probably spent about a third of my working time in the last five years doing so. I do a lot of stuff for nothing (you're reading one of those things now), and though I haven't been doing them consciously to get work elsewhere, I suppose it has turned out that it has helped me. I have got better at what I do, kept people interested in what I am doing and managed to flog a few
DVDs and posters and raised a bit of money for
my charidy work, that I really don't like to talk about, which means that paedophiles get better press than me. But really I have done it for fun.
The podcasts very much fall into this arena too and although it might all lead to a sponsorship deal with Waitrose or 118 118 or at least the oat milk board, neither Collings or me want anything more for it than a top 10 placing in the iTunes chart (which is looking like a pipe dream - we're on a slippery slope downwards).
People seem to like it though and that is reward enough for us (if we suddenly wake up in a world where all money has been abolished). And part of the appreciation is due to the fact that we are not motivated by money, which has led to rather a lovely show of gratitude from one of our listeners, the amazing photographer
Steve Brown, who has used his camera to do pictures of Dr Who and Torchwood, plus a load of pop bands that I have never heard of. He got in touch with us to ask if we'd like some proper professional photos done which might be an improvement on the ones we take with the inbuilt camera in our Apple Macs (though if he'd seen last week's one before he made this offer I am sure he would have realised there was no way he could improve on what we were doing without him).
So this afternoon my colleague, Collings and me, weighed down with several changes of clothes got a cab over to Caledonian Road for a photo shoot with a man who is more used to working with rock stars and leaping Gallifreyans, rather than two bean faced bullshitters. Collings was so excited. I sometimes wonder if he is actually a 13 year old boy who has made a wish at an unplugged in fairground machine and has been turned into a man. He is very sweet though. If I had room for another friend in my hectic social life I might upgrade him from my colleague. But I haven't. So my colleague he remains. To be honest he's not quite mature or cool enough to hang around with me in real life.
I think the photos are going to be excellent and Steve Brown will prove his worth if he succeeds in making Collings look mean (as he was trying to) in any of the pictures. I was able to look mean easily, because I have worked extensively in the acting profession, in such notable roles as Percy the Shepherd in Servants. And many other equally good or much better parts that I don't have time to mention.
Steve Brown was a very nice man with lots of ideas though, who has met David Tennant and so did not even seem slightly phased to be in the same room as one of the talking heads from "I love 1983", though he was a bit more nervous with me, no doubt recognising me from my role as Percy the shepherd, or one of the many other roles that I have brought to life. He had us up against a green background so that he could superimpose us by some explosions and urban landscapes and all sorts of cool sounding mallarkey. It's going to be brilliant. In the meantime Collings took some photos using my macbook, when I was being photographed looking mean. It is lucky Collings was not taking the main photos as he failed to properly get himself into two of them. Look how happy he looks in the one he got right. Do you see what I mean about him being 13? I am glad I have grown old gracefully and don't make such a pillock of myself.
I had worried that Steve Brown was going to imprison us or trick us in some way, or maybe towards the end of the shoot ask us to slip our tops off (aware of the hypnotic power of the photographer that I mentioned only days ago) or persuade us to do a compromising shot which would seem like a good idea at the time, but which would wreck our careers and compromise our work with Disney. But it turned out he had no ulterior motive. He just liked us and wanted to help. The world is a good place.
I am not sure when the actual photos will be ready, but it's really gratifying to think that we got to spend an afternoon running around pretending to be in action films, before then drawing cocks on a piece of paper (you'll see) all because someone had liked our podcast. It is better than money, in every sense apart from the inability to be able to use anything we did today to buy luxury items for our houses.
Maybe our free podcast will one day lead to us being able to do that. And maybe Steve Brown's free photo session will do the same for him. Be good to think that the world worked like that. But only for people who are good and only doing the initial free thing because they are cool. In this case Steve Brown is the richest man in the world, with only the one proviso that he is unable to buy luxury items with his riches. Which sucks to be honest.
