I got over my slight blues quite quickly today, despite not being able to sleep last night. I was even able to laugh off the two bad reviews I got on
the edfringe.com site. Partly because one of them is clearly a review of the Free Beer Show and partly because I am pretty convinced that "steve, england" and "mick, scotland" with their similar writing styles, lower case names, similarly generalised addresses and similar obsession with Late N Live might actually be the same person. It's weird to think that someone might have that much of a grudge against me. I for one can't think of anyone that I have offended recently who might want to try and sabotage me in this way. Can you? I love the fact that whoever this person or people are they think they can make any difference by posting on a website that you'd only really be visiting if you were about to buy tickets anyway. For future reference, Steve, Mick and Philip, it is actually much more insulting and effective to give me a two star review. That would hurt me. Your zero stars just make me laugh and make me stronger. I agree I was a bit shit at the Free Beer Show though, but that's not what you should be reviewing. And do try and vary your writing style a little. But keep those reviews coming and see if you can knock me down to a 0 star average. Come on, you have an incredible power and it would be a shame not to use it.
I spent most of the day writing my Channel 4 script (and couldn't even make it to the gym, but I think it's OK to have one day off a week), but the good news is that I finished a serviceable first draft. Only four months late as well. It's a big weight off my shoulders and means I can now start to enjoy my nights a bit more (though the radio scripts still need writing). I also practically sold out tonight - at least 160 people and probably more, which is a great sign. Tickets are still cheap and mid-week will see a decline, but I'm getting a lot of positive feedback from punters and the Underbelly staff, so hopefully the word of mouth effect will kick in, whatever the review lottery throws my way. If you write a review of the show on my website do let me know and I will post it in the press section (whether it's good or bad - I just love people talking about me).
So far, so good and it remains my best opening weekend since Talking Cock and I think the most I have enjoyed myself at any Fringe thus far. I love the fact that everywhere I go I will bump into someone I know. In years gone by I have sometimes been shy and kept myself to myself, but the self-assurance (arrogance?) is not just limited to the stage these days. I am determined to have a good time whatever traps and tricks Edinburgh has for me this year. I will keep you updated on my mental health and let you know if the inevitable dip into depression and suicidal impulses occurs, but for now it couldn't be going better.
More street theatre on my to the venue tonight. There is some scaffolding up on a shop near to where the old man usually says hello to me (no sign of him today - hope he's OK. Dougie emailed me to say "I can confirm he is a nice old man and is very friendly I often see him shuffling up and down Broughton Street. He's been around for a good few years. He says hello to everyone and always seems content. I think I've seen him in the Cask & Barrel on the odd occasion. If only more people in the world were as like him what a better place it would be." So buy him a drink if you see him. I intend to. And I am going to try and have a chat). As I was walking up the hill I saw a young athletic looking man preparing to jump up towards one of the bars. It was really high up and it was a standing jump and I thought there was no way that he would make it. But like some kind of human lemur he leapt and reached and made up the impossible distance. Ah to be young. Though if I am honest there has never been a point in my life where I was tall or limber enough to make a leap like that. He was watched by a pretty young woman, who he was successfully impressing with his impromptu street acrobatics. If only I had the skill of leaping then maybe young women would look at me in the way she now looked at him, but I only have the skill of falling over, which will make young women laugh, but not give you the admiring look that I was at this moment coveting.
The young man spun round on the bar and hung upside down over the concrete pavement. I willed him to fall and crack his head and spill his brains all over the Scottish floor, so I could then turn to the pretty girl and say, "No, look, this is how you fall in a funny way!" And then maybe I could make her forget about the death of her boyfriend and laugh her into bed. But this young man was too acrobatic for my evil scheme of seduction to bear any fruit. And to be honest I was enjoying his display and much as I might have thought it would be amusing if his antics caused the entire scaffolding structure to collapse upon him, the part of my soul that loves life was just pleased to see someone expressing themselves in this unfettered and joyous way. I left them to their larks and youthful folly feeling a bit happier than I did already (and as I'd finished the script some thirty minutes earlier this was quite a feat). Wouldn't it be something if happiness ends up being the abiding memory of this Fringe, rather than disappointment and embarrassment.
So far I have done nothing embarrassing. I am sure that will change. And after four performances and my desperate pleading still no women have offered to make my threesome dreams come true. I bet the bloke on the scaffolding has had a threesome. Women love an acrobat and he looked like the kind of bloke who could keep two plates spinning if you catch my drift.
And I haven't given up hope. There's still time for my embarrassment and female disappointment to reach fruition.
