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When you have a baby in your life every second counts. To be honest that’s one of my favourite things about it. I have wasted so much time in my previous 47 and a half years that it’s good to know that I am being productive almost all the time now. Most of this productivity involves dealing with faeces, either my own, my baby’s or my cats, but I am just happy to have a job that makes a difference. We’d hoped for a leisurely family trip to the Westfield to get some nappies and groceries and a cup of coffee, but by the time that I was ready to go it was 3 o clock and I only had an hour till the Cannibal was coming to pick me up to take me to Maidenhead. So I had to go it alone. It was hot and crowded and I was in a rush and foolishly already wearing my show suit (a real sign of tour tiredness, when it seems too much of an imposition to change before and after a gig. I bought nappies and formula at Boots and had to queue behind a dozen people who all seemed incapable of using the self-service machines, then dashed over to the supermarket for toilet roll (I told you, I am nothing more than a poo monitor now) and some stuff for Sunday lunch (that will soon enough be also transformed into fecal matter - is life really just shit? Is that all it is about? If so I am not complaining. Shit is amazing). I then battled through the busy Shepherd’s Bush streets with my bags of shopping, wondering if Isis might be right to want to wipe out this Cathedral of commerce. When QPR are playing at home (against Spurs today - if only there had been some way to predict the final score) all the streets for miles around are packed with cars. Giles had enormous difficulty picking me up, with my street full of drivers looking for non-existent parking spaces, because they were either too mean to pay £5 to park at the Westfield (and having experienced how gruelling it was to carry my bags back to my own house, I wondered if this saving was really worth it) or too stupid to realise that there are excellent transport links to both the football ground and the Westfield, so there’s really no need to come by car. I was as fractious as my daughter is at 3am.
But we escaped and made the short journey to Maidenhead, where we were greeted by the friendly and efficient staff at Norden Farm (currently celebrating its 15th birthday despite being the worst farm I have ever seen, full of theatre and comedy, but no animals at all). It was another incident free show, but my obscure facts about the town were that it had the highest rainfall in 60mins on July 12 1901 (I believe it was 92mm) and King Charles I last saw his children in the Natwest bank on the High Street (it may not have been a Natwest at the time). Wikipedia truly is my friend. But these jokes are better when I remember the obscure facts in as much detail, which I managed to do tonight (though the fact that the date was my birthday helped a bit).
I was offered a beer as I signed programmes afterwards and I realised that as I wasn’t driving I could accept it, which was rather pleasant. And another mixed crowd of people both young and old, who seemed to enjoy it.
There’s a load more stuff up on eBay for your delectation, including a Histor (or maybe Pliny) stunt wing, a Simon Quinlank T shirt, a handmade Hermione hand T shirt and some scripts. And for Me1 vs Me2 Snooker fans a rare opportunity to get some balls signed to you (or whoever you want) with a personal message from the Me or Referee or Commentator of your choice. These are also on the colours rather than red balls, so they will be ultra rare (I can’t imagine I am going to do hundreds of these things). Get bidding!
All your money goes to fund future podcasts.
