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Sunday 7th July 2019


The problem with my brain thinking I’m somewhere between 4 and 19 is that my body is nearly 52 and it can’t quite keep up. I was playing football in the garden with my daughter this afternoon. She’s very good and I hope will be playing for England in about 15 years time (in between her work as an artist, rock star and climbing teacher). I’d gone out in my socks and we were playing with a light Disney themed ball. Phoebe was in goal and I was attempting some long range shots to test her cat-like reflexes. I tried to chip the ball, but mistimed the manoeuvre and kicked the ground quite hard, bent back my big toe and spent the rest of the day screeching in pain every time that toe touched the ground. It’s not swollen or broken, but as with my arm (which has still not fully healed after about 9 months of pain) I think I’ve just pulled a tendon or torn a muscle and so have sentenced myself to days or weeks of pain. For being stupid enough to play football in socks and try too hard against a 4 year old opponent.
It could be bad news for the Park Runs anyway, which might be a relief for Me1 who has a lot to live up to in his next attempt.
Luckily I can get through the rest of my life by just walking on the other four toes and keeping my big toe raised. But obviously I forget to do that every now and again and a jarring pain is sent through my foot. I’d go to the doctor but he’d just tell me to take painkillers and stop wasting his time (not sure he got this 100% right with my arm, which I need to do a bit of therapy with, apparently, or risk losing some of its movement permanently). I am tempted just to cut the bad toe off and maybe the bad arm too. That will show my weakening body who is boss.
Why can’t we live forever? Who designed this useless body? Why build in obsolescence like this? The sooner my weak flesh can be replaced by stone the better.

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