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Saturday 8th February 2020

6262/19192
Me1 ran the Park Run this week, after I plodded round the course as myself last time and he took almost four and a half minutes off the time of seven days ago. A respectable 27mins and 31 seconds (still over 2 minutes outside his personal best). I guess he is a bit more competitive than me. The first km was actually done in just under five minutes which is the pace required for the fabled, world record time of sub 25 minutes. Experts claim that kind of speed over 5km would rip the human body apart, but I hope to prove them wrong or die trying. And as long as I am running as one of the Mes then I can still come back next time as another one. I am immortal. That’s what the experts don’t realise.
I am glad I did the run. I was tired in the morning and nearly bailed out and then an unexpected road closure meant that I was almost late, but I didn’t listen to the voice in my head telling me to go home. I had done quite a bit of exercise this week and was full of energy when I started running and I enjoyed myself.

I had quite an astonishing realisation about myself today when my friend Laura posted a test on Facebook asking you to close your eyes and visualise an apple and then choose what apple you saw with your minds eye: a 3D colour one, a 2D colour one, a 2d black and white one, a 2d white one or just black nothingness. I tried it and discovered that I am a number 5 - blackness. I can’t ring up an image with my eyes closed.  I just think of the word apple. I had never realised this somehow. I assumed I could conjure up an apple in my head. But even if I try to think of a face, all I get is a flash and a general feeling of their face, almost behind my mind’s eye and maybe the feeling of their face, but I can’t “see” anything. This apparently means I have aphantasia. Which is a bit upsetting. But maybe explains why I am not great at remembering the faces of people that I haven’t met that many times. Laura has synaesthesia which means she has all kinds of visual shit going on in her head and that her senses are interchangeable (I think) so she can taste colours etc. Something like that anyway.
I am not only sad that I can’t picture an apple, but also that I had never realised this. I can still dream, but I can’t conjure up an apple (or anything). I envy you people with a mind’s eye. But I am mind blind. And wonder if this might entitle me to some kind of benefits. Can I use disabled toilets now? Maybe parking? 
I deserve something. It’s not fair.



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