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Sunday 8th September 2019


I was right. The new fridge-freezer has changed my life. Our old one was an ex-display model that we got at a bargain price and now I know why: with its useless internal ice tray (only really good for pouring motorbike oil into) that stopped working anyway and it’s crappy lower drawer freezer compartments that were pretty small and meant you could never see what you had and if you put too much stuff in, would spill over and mean the doors never closed properly.
I feel like Julius Caesar now, with ice cubes in my Diet Coke (it’s what we all associate with him, right), but somehow although the new fridge-freezer fits in the same space (and is actually an inch or so shorter) we can get way more stuff in it (we basically have a spare shelf in the fridge at the moment) and we can see what we have in the freezer. And ice cubes. Or crushed ice if you want. And the filtered water comes out fast enough to actually use it to pour a drink of water. What was I doing before? All the problems in my life and in the UK were down to me being swayed into having a cut price fridge freezer (and by the way, I think the one we just bought was still cheaper). 
Now I can live again.
What have I become?

As much as I felt I was in Heaven yesterday due to the delusion caused by the chemicals that make us think we are in love with people, thanks to my wife taking the kids on a play date I got a full four hours to myself around lunchtime, when I didn’t really have any work to do and it was THE FUCKING BEST. I can’t remember the last time that I wasn’t either working (or trying to) or looking after the kids, but it must have been a long time, because I felt like Julius Caesar (and I wasn’t even drinking chilled Diet Coke like he always did). I used this time to mainly play online poker and half watch “Death in Paradise” season six, but it’s this kind of mindlessness that I have been missing. If I had never met my wife or formed a relationship with anyone I could do this ALL THE TIME. What a life this could have been.
I regret nothing apart from forming loving attachments. I would have been unhappy and lonely and probably so unhealthy that I would be on the verge of death. But think of all the formulaic detective shows I could have watched whilst losing money online.
I also had a long walk with my only friend. Wolfie, whilst listening to Richard Ayoade’s “Ayoade on Top” which breaks down an obscure and terrible Gwyneth Paltrow film that I’ve never seen to its bare bones. It is mesmerising and brilliant. And yes, I have thought about asking him on to RHLSTP and have done so many times. It’s looking like a possibility now, but the Ayoade is a timid creature and we must lure him in slowly. I am hoping a bit of cheese will work. But no luck so far.
But it made me regret that I have never written a tome about the ins and outs of Sliding Doors or indeed a multi-volume analysis of every episode of Goodnight Sweetheart. Perhaps I shall devote the rest of my life to that. And have it published posthumously. When hardly anyone will remember what Goodnight Sweetheart was.

The RHLSTP Kickstarter is ticking along nicely.

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