Collings was up bright and early, hilariously claiming that he had not been drunk last night despite his four litre beer binge. He is a wonderful idiot. He was pissed after the first sip.
But seemingly I was more hungover than him, so who knows?
We got some good work done even so. In the video podcast (only available on an exclusive go faster stripe extras disc for forthcoming Hitler Moustache DVD - the DVD with plenty of extras will be in the shops, but a whole load of extra extras only from gfs) I mimed what I imagined Collings' face looked like when he lost his virginity, envisaged the polite robot shop keepers of the future and we both pitched some brilliant film ideas. It was a pure podcast because as there was no newspapers to work from we just had to make the whole thing up with no preparation or idea where we were going. We're getting quite good at chatting for over 60 minutes - this time we were beholden to how long the film would last in the cameras (about 62 minutes).
Later we would head out to recreate the mobile phone mugging that proved to be quite fortuitous for me (in terms of giving me a good ten minutes of material). My newly rewheeled and resaddled bike was used to portray the thief's vehicle and Andrew Collings in a dark grey hoodie was to portray "the black man in the black beanie hat". I had wanted him to wear my girlfriend's sparkly black woolen cap, which I thought would be an amusing mismatch, but Andrew was worried it would make him look stupid and he seemed to be really getting into his role, grimacing and trying to look tough. It could end up being the funniest thing ever committed to film.
We didn't go in for massive accuracy or special effects. I didn't want to risk having my phone broken in a fumble (or indeed to advertise it to new muggers who might ironically steal it on camera) and thought that if we shot it from behind Andrew could make a grab for the phone, which I could then quickly pass to my other hand and it would look like he had taken it. I hadn't anticipated that being particularly convincing, but as I did that and feigned shock and anger a man passing me was so convinced the phone had gone that he came to ask if I was OK. Then he saw the cameras and laughed.
As I chained up my bike another man ran up to me from some distance. "Hello," he said in a Spanish accent (I think because he was Spanish, rather than because he was putting on a funny voice for fun), "I just wanted to shake you by the hand. I am a massive fan of yours."
"Oh, thanks," I replied, a little surprised by how effusive he was and wishing we were getting this on film to prove to the world how loved I am.
"Your shows are amazing and your passion for food is inspirational...."
Hmmm, now there is still a chance he had got the right person. Just one look at my belly will confirm that I have a passion for food, but would he really be congratulating me on my greed? Or had he, as I began to suspect, seen me being filmed and confused me with similar looking (though shorter haired, slimmer, more handsome and less bearded) chef
James Martin?
I suspected he had, but he was so excited that I didn't want to piss on his chips (not when he loved my passion for food) or face the mutual embarrassment of pointing out his error.
"Can I get a photo?" he asked
"Um... yeah" I stammered. It surely was now too late to duck out of this one and I gestured to Chris Evans (not that one) that he should film this as the bloke put his arm round me and held out his camera.
Presumably later on the Spanielard would show the photo to his friends saying, "Look that's me, with that TV chef. I love his passion for food."
And his friends would say, "That's not the TV chef, that's just some fat bloke who looks a bit like an aged Jesus."
Or maybe the Spanish man had thought that I was Jesus. He had a passion for food after all - his enemies called him a glutton and a wine-bibber - and would magic up some tasty treats out of the bare minimum of ingredients. He'd have been a whizz on Ready, Steady Cook.
But whether he thought I was Jesus or Martin, I don't think the man thought I was me and I had to just go along with the charade until the photo was taken and he had left. Hopefully he will have the photo blown up and put on his mantelpiece or at least put it on his Facebook page. But it was yet another Charlie Boorman style kick in the teeth for me. And one that partially at least is committed to film.
Anyway hope you enjoy the extras. We have, as always, gone beyond the call of duty to give you your money's worth. Though I filmed a bit more of the rundown of every tour date and maybe there should be a prize for every person who can drink four litres of beer and stay awake through the whole of that section.
You can appear on the DVD too. As long as you have a photo of yourself (or a poster or an object) with a toothbrush moustache. If you do and want to feature then please send a photo to Chris Evans (not that one) at gofasterstripe@googlemail.com along with a message saying you're happy for us to use the photo in any way we see fit (please ensure you have the copyright to the picture and haven't nicked it from somewhere else).
And also some bad news, but also some good news about the next Lyric comedy night. Noel Fielding has had to drop out due to other work commitments, but we have drafted in some fantastic comedians to replace him. Peter Serafinowicz is doing a rare live gig and Stewart Lee is doing a 30 minute set with all different material to last month's show. There's also a double act set from the amazing Tim Key and Tom Basden and Bridget Christie is on too. Anyone unhappy with this change can return their ticket for a refund, or sell the tickets on to someone else (I am sure there will be plenty of people wanting to bite your hand off for this show). For anyone hoping to see the line up we now have who hasn't got a ticket, it is sold out at the moment, but keep your eye
on the Lyric website as I think some tickets might get returned.
Hopefully Noel will be able to come back and do a gig in the autumn season.
Tickets are also now available for sale for my Assembly Rooms shows.
You can buy tickets for the one off AIOTM
here (Don't leave it too late - this should sell out pretty quickly)
Or
Click here for Christ on a Bike tickets.
