I have just reached the point in my book where I am writing about Sigurdur Hjartarson and my visit to his Icelandic Phallological Museum. As you may know if youÂ’ve seen the show last June I flew to Iceland especially to visit with and interview this extraordinary man who has made it his mission in life to collect a severed penis from every species of mammal in his native country. And then to display them in bell-jars and charge people to come and look at them.
I admire him for this enterprise. I think it is good.
When I talked to him he mentioned that he was hoping to collect a human penis, once a willing donor had died. His best bet was an octogenarian Icelander and womaniser called Paul Arason. Sig was very adamant that Arason had to be dead, and to have died of natural causes, before he would consider removing the old manÂ’s penis. Though I thought he could have helped things along by dressing up in a scary mask (perhaps fashioned from some of the penises in his museum) and jumping out of a bush as the aging lothario passed. But Mr Hjartarson would not be swerved and I suppose if youÂ’re not frightened by the idea of living on a small island with a man who covets your severed penis, then youÂ’re probably not frightened of anything.
Nearly a year on I was wondering if there had been any developments in the quest for the human penis. Perhaps selfishly I thought it would make a great topper to the story if Mr Arason had (very unfortunately) died.
So I emailed Sigurdur this week asking for some photos for my book, but I also subtly sneaked in the question “And how is the health of Mr Arason?”
You see, cleverly, I made it appear that I was concerned about the old fellaÂ’s constitution, rather than expressing my wish that heÂ’d snuffed it and had his penis sliced off and put on display. You have to show respect.
Mr Hjartarson got back today to say “As regards Mr Arason, he seems to be in excellent health!”
How selfish of him! DoesnÂ’t he realise that his death would mean that chapter seven of my book would have a slightly better conclusion? Some people simply have no humanity.
Incidentally I have 35,000 more words to write in 15 days. Stay tuned to this channel to see if I make it. So what if it's taken me five months to write the first 45,000. I can do this. I can!
