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Tuesday 19th September 2017

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Will the house be ready before the baby arrives? Once again the date where it’s ready enough for us to move in has pushed back a bit further (and how I laugh at the fact that I once thought this date was going to be in May or June), which has caused us a bit more stress at a stressful time. But I sent off an email where I voiced my frustrations (and fortunately held back a little bit) and the guys who had last week assured us that we’d probably be in by tomorrow, now said we’d probably be in at the weekend. With some caveats. At least so we can start unpacking some of the stuff and sleep in our own bed and be all in the same house.
We’ll see.
This has been a challenging (and rewarding) year and I have held it together pretty well so far, but today was my closest to breaking point. But I didn’t break. And we got through it all together. 
In some ways my wife has a more stressful couple of weeks coming up than me (if you think that squeezing a human being out of you is more stressful than having to walk a dog a lot- which I DO NOT). But we are a team and we seem insistent on adding to the number of people on the team and aren’t too fussed about what species we let in either. In 20 years we will look back on all this and be able to relax. 
I was glad I had asserted myself a bit to the guys doing the work. But also glad that I didn’t assert myself as much as I felt like doing at 7.30am. 
I was in Hertford this afternoon waiting for Catie as she has some physio (again apparently being heavily pregnant is harder than writing a book of 500 Emergency Questions). Wolfie was with me, because she has to be everywhere I am for now. I took her on a walk in this unfamiliar town that I very nearly lived very close to. I found a little walk in a wooded area and decided to chance leaving the road and getting lost like Hansel and Gretel. But getting lost is not really a problem in the modern world. Even if I lost my bearings I had my phone in my pocket and could check my location on the maps. The modern world has made things so easy and safe. 
I found my way back to the car, but had 10 minutes to kill. All week I’ve been wanting to buy a garden rake to rake up the grass that finally got flymoed (by my very kind father-in-law) last week. But I haven’t been able to buy a rake as I have a dog with me and I am not sure which shops will let me in now. I saw a Wickes and realised they would probably sell rakes. I went in and asked if I could bring my dog in. I think I wasn’t officially allowed to, but Wolfie is so cute that they couldn’t resist. And the move paid off. Because I bought a garden rake from them. For £6.99. And the dog didn’t shit anywhere in store. Ian Wickes must be rubbing his hands in glee at the gamble. And I reckon I have bought all the garden rakes that I am ever going to need in however long left God chooses to give me. And presuming I live for another ten years, the rake is only going to cost me less than 70p a year. And I plan to bequeath the rake to my son or daughter (whoever shows the most interest in raking) so it’s an investment that could conceivably still be paying off into the 22nd Century. If there is any grass then. Or people.

Hitler has fucked up the launch of our Emergency Questions App. As if he hadn’t done enough already. I hardly have a good word to say about that guy, if I am honest. We have an (iOS only for now) EQ app all ready to go, but because one of the sticker images we have on it is of Hitler being poked through time (which is quite clearly an anti-Hitler image - He’s being poked, which is perhaps not enough of a punishment for what he has done, but it’s the only one available to us from this point in history - to ban this image is more or less like Ian Apple saying he loves Hitler). Today we resubmitted but accidentally left some of the images of Hitler still in the thing. It was an accident, but it looks like we were trying to make some kind of point. Like, come on, Hitler was OK. Hopefully it will be available by the end of the week. There’s some free questions to get you going, but you can also buy all the ones in the first book and/or 100 dating questions or 102 questions for kids. Why carry a small book with you everywhere when you can have hundreds of questions appear on your similarly sized phone?
Chris Evans has been banned from using Vistaprint for life for trying to print postcards of Hitler being poked through time. All these big companies love Hitler and don’t want to see him humiliated.


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Buy the Emergency Questions book here And help fund the filming of series 11 and 12 of RHLSTP.
My new stand up show, Oh Frig I'm 50 is at the Edinburgh Fringe this August and I am also doing three RHEFPs while I am there All details of shows and previews.
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