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Just found out that my manager reads my Substack as he emailed me basically telling me to get back to work so that he can get some money to chlorinate his basement swimming pool. So I will have to pretend that I am working very hard on projects that will very soon make huge amounts of money.
Today I worked very hard on projects that will very soon make huge amounts of money.
He won't like to hear this, as this is a project that will never make huge amounts of money (though to be fair, after 35 years on his books, I've never made huge amounts of money and it's arrogant and mendacious to claim I could keep the man in chlorine), but I am still toying with the idea of doing a short newsround every weekday (that I am at home) with Ally. I could easily have done it every day this week, but haven't. As should be clear, I am great at having ideas, but don't really like to do the work involved in making them reality.
I remember lying in bed in Shepherd's Bush (so it's at least 9 years ago, but probably closer to 20 years ago) thinking to myself - if I just did 20 press ups a day then I bet that would really help me get fit. It seemed like a good idea and I've thought about doing that many many times in the last couple of decades, but the number of times I've actually done 20 press ups in a day since then can probably be counted on the fingers of the hands of everyone who lives in my house (might have to include the cat and dog paws to be absolutely sure). It's a great idea to do 20 press ups a day and every time I think about it I think I should definitely do it. Before pretty much always, not doing it. I think I thought I would do it the minute I got out of bed, but once you've got kids that isn't really practical as your kids are standing there expecting breakfast. To be fair though, there were probably ten years since I first had this idea that I didn't have kids and still didn't do press ups first thing in the morning or indeed second or third thing. Or at all.
I could break off from writing this blog and do 20 press ups on the floor beside me right now. I think it's a good idea. But I am not doing it.
I wonder where my life would be now if I had acted on that thought back in the Noughties or 2010s and done 20 press ups every day. I bet I'd be really strong.
Of course I can't travel back in time and if I could I doubt I would use the ability to do a load of press ups - it would seem like a waste and I don't think it would work anyway because I'd still be me from now, just in the past temporarily. Surely I'd be better off trying to stop 9/11 or betting on Leicester City to win the Premiership in whatever year that was.
I could though start doing 20 press ups a day from today. And then in 20 years time, I bet I'd look really strong for a 78 year old man.
It would be easy. I could just stop writing this for 30 seconds and bang them out. Make this the first day of my 20 press ups a day regime.
But I have chosen instead to eat a cupcake that my daughter made. Which is sort of the opposite.
And yet here I am, 23 years into blogging every single day and managing that.
Why am I so full of contraditions.
Instead of working or doing press ups I took the kids to school whilst they had an argument involving some punching, came home, played poker, moved my car because the men doing work on our street needed to dig a hole, played online poker, walked the dog, played tennis, had some lunch, prepared jacket potatoes for dinner, picked up the kids, made the rest of dinner, let in the electrician who put some new lights up in the kitchen, ate dinner, walked the dog, watched Community with the family, put Ernie to bed, watched a bit more Community, Ernie came back down and watched some of it and then I put him back to bed, watched Traitors, watched Ed Gamble talking about Traitors, put Phoebe to bed, went to bed.
I didn't even have a bath or shower.
Tell me where I was meant to get work, press ups or a shower into that. It's probably 'in the morning" "any time" and "just after playing tennis".
I need to remember what I did today as tomorrow I am on the brilliant "What I Did Yesterday" podcast. I will not be talking about Rich and Ally's Newsround or doing press ups.
I'll be doing another ask me anything pod soon. If you want to ask me anything then email the question to
arichardherringa@gmail.com. You will win a badge if your question is used (which it almost certainly will be)
A brand new series of RHLSTP started today! The guest is Sam Nicoresti, winner of last year's Edinburgh Comedy Award!
Check it out here.
