In my gym, above the water fountains they have put a sign saying "Fountain of Knowledge". I don't understand why they have done this. Drinking from it has not made me any cleverer or graced with a fact that I hitherto was unaware of. It has made me slightly less thirsty, which I am happy with. It's all I expect from a water fountain. I just don't begin to see why they have decided to call it a "Fountain of Knowledge". I can understand the fountain bit. That makes sense to me. As it is a fountain. But water doesn't give you knowledge. It's probably good for you and keeps you healthy so "Fountain of Health" would be acceptable to me. If they want to try and be poetic, I would even allow them to stretch veracity a little and call it a "Fountain of Youth" as drinking water is good for your skin and might in a way be said to help you keep young. But can water ever give you knowledge? All in all I think "Fountain of Water" might be a more accurate description of the item or if you prefer "Water Fountain", which would be more succinct and also then be the label that most people would recognise for the item it described. I can imagine someone walking round the gym for ages looking for the water fountain and only seeing the "Fountain of Knowledge" and being a bit worried about supping on whatever liquid is coming from its silvery, slivery spout. "I'm thirsty now," they might say, "And if I wanted to be clever I would go to a library, but clearly I don't want to be clever. I am in a gym and only concerned with my outward apppearance. I am shallow and drinking from the Fountain of Knowledge might only allow me to become aware of my essential vanity and vapidity." The person might well die of thirst thanks to the inaccurate labelling that the gym has brought into place.
I hate incorrect signs.
But then I remembered writing
this earlier in the year and wondered if perhaps drinking enough water might give you insights into the Universe's secrets (would any of us have known the true importance of Kenneth Williams if it were not for water's magical powers?), so maybe Holmes Place are on to something after all. I think to save confusion it would be best to put "it's a water fountain" in brackets after the "Fountain of Knowledge" bit or at least add a disclaimer that as yet there is little evidence that drinking excessive water can give you any additional wisdom.
