Another Sunday and another Andrew Collings show, our last before a move to a swanky and soulless new studio. Which is better than the decrepit and stinky one we've been in up til now. Collings, the Luddite, was knocking back homeopathic tablets in the hope that they would avert the move. But I embrace change in all its forms (apart from when they change the name or make-up of sweets and lollies which is against God and nature).
Sometimes I forget that this stuff goes out into the wide world (and what they are paying me is really only enuogh to justify it being heard by Andrew and the producer, but it's OK I do it for love- the love of swearing on Sunday afternoon) and I say stuff that I shouldn't. Such as "Sadie Frost, off of Jude Law...'s penis". I didn't have to add the "'s penis", but I couldn't help myself. It was for me the unnecessary over-explanation that made it funny. That and the word penis.
The Mail on Sunday was reporting on a soon to be published "Gospel of Judas". They discovered this ancient text some time ago, but it is now finally going to be shown to the world. It's purportedly the gospel from the point of view of the disciple whose name has become synonymous with evil betrayal. He probably didn't write it himself as it dates from the 5th Century (though may be a translation of a work from about 170AD), and in any case he is supposed to have killed himself pretty soon after giving Jesus over so it would have to have been quite rushed - unless it was written on a daily basis like an early weblog. "Betrayed Jesus today and got 30 pieces of silver. Ace! With that I can buy loads of the many consumer gigs that are available to me in Jerusalem in 33AD, like an onion. I can probably buy a million onions now. It's weird that I was prepared to do this after having witnessed all Jesus's miracles and shit. You'd think I would have thought about the fact that by betraying the saviour I would probably end up going to Hell where 30 pieces of silver wouldn't be much of a consolation. If I don't believe that Jesus is a god when I have spent the last three years with him seeing him doing all miracles and stuff then that surely must make you question whether any of that actually happened and whether he was a god at all. Anyway, don't think about stuff too much is my advice or it will just start to fall apart, like all lies. But the thing is I really like onions. Enough to spend infinity in Hell. Anyway got to kill myself now. Bye!"
But the church are still worried about the impact it might have as it claims that Jesus told Judas that he should betray him so that prophecies would be fulfilled and that Judas would return to earth in triumph after a generation or something.
But it's not like you need a gospel to point out the intrinsic problem with the modern day view of Judas. He
had to betray Jesus or Jesus would not have been crucified and mankind would not have been saved. Also Jesus was magic and must have known what Judas (even before he dipped his bread in the soup at the same time as him) would do and must have wanted him to do it. We vilify Judas, but without him we would not be saved. We should be thanking him for betraying the Lord in return for money.
I think if any of this did happen then Jesus must have promised Judas that he would let everyone know that the whole betrayal thing was his idea and that ultimately he'd be seen as a kind of hero, but then went back on the deal. Judas, who to any right thinking Christian should be a hero is thus seen as one of the most evil men who ever lived. I hope the new gospel according to Judas will help people realise the truth about this much maligned yet brilliant man. As I said to Andrew I think they will both come back hand in hand together as friends, like wrestlers who pretend to hate each other in the ring, but it's just all a play act to make things more entertaining.
