Give or take a couple of months it is 18 years since I spent six weeks inter-railing round Europe with my friend Geoff Quigley. We ate mainly mashed potato which we cooked on a little gas cannister cooker and slept in a tent (or when we were feeling showy, a youth hostel). I got propostioned by a man in a car who despite not speaking English managed to make it abundantly clear that he wished to fellate me (he was the only person who offered to fellate me during the entire six weeks and this was very near the beginning of the trip. Had I known how little action I was going to get I might have accepted). I was cursed by a gypsy witch and had a run of extremely bad luck for about three days including being violently sick on a packed train with locked toliets and having my wallet stolen when I was foolish enough to leave it in a phone box. Some other things happened. It was a blast.
As I have now lived my life again since that time I have decided to do a mini version of that holiday with a few differences. I will not be taking Geoff Quigley with me, I will be staying in Europe's finest (medium priced) hotels, I will not be cooking anything for myself and I will have a pocket full of money which I will not leave in a phone box whether I get cursed or not.
It was travelling to Belgium on the Eurostar that gave me the idea. It is a very pleasant and easy way to travel (though it will take me a couple of days of fairly intense travel to reach my first major port of call, Florence). And I only have eight days free (so I might end up flying back).
I am planning to get back to Pompeii which is the favourite place I have ever visited. If I could choose my manner of death it would be to be buried under the ash from the eruption of Vesuvius. I would make sure that I met my end whilst making an amusing shape with my body or obscene hand gesture, so that when the alien archaeologists of the future pour plaster of Paris into the gap left by my body I will have delivered an hilarious joke from beyond the grave.
I'm not going so far as to plan what the amusing shape will be. I am going to improvise it. All the best comedy happens on the spur of the moment. Rarely before has it occurred during a rain of hot ash and molten rock. But I'm all for pushing back the boundaries.
I am greatly looking forward to the trip. I leave early on Thursday, and I don't think I'm going to be popping into any internet cafes (I want to take a holiday from the internet more than anything), so although I will continue writing new entries they will not appear on here until the weekend after next.
Have a good week everyone. I plan to. And if anyone offers to fellate me on this trip, there won't be a moment's hesitation believe me!
