As with the East Anglian jaunt I had been slightly dreading this leg of the tour: partly because of the possiblility of protests, partly because of poor sales, but mainly I guess because of the sheer number of miles we were going to have to travel. But that one graffito aside it turned out we had nothing to worry about on the first point and though we'll end up having travelled approaching 1000 miles to perform to maybe 300 or 350 people I am actually glad we made the effort. The people who did come really appreciated the effort and enjoyed the show and if I have learned anything over the last ten years it is that without massive TV exposure a comedian needs to keep coming back to a town to build up an audience. It's four years since I played Aberdeen and Inverness and I am not sure that I have ever been to Dundee before (though I may have played here with Stew or just have forgotten a solo trip here).
The tiny spat with the church across the road continued, with Reverend Robinson (whose previous quote will be on the publicity for my podcast show in Edinburgh) sending a letter into the Courier which read:
"Sir,-It was unfortunate that the headline over Alan Hinnrich's letter (May 7) echoed his false claim that my critique of Richard Herring's comedy show Christ on a Bike was just a publicity stunt.
My comments were made in response to questions from a Courier journalist. They were not a press release, nor a letter, nor do I want publicity over such a matter. I have much better things to do with my time than give publicity to a second-rate comedy show which is struggling to sell tickets.
The fact that I have not seen the show is irrelevant. When asked to comment I looked at the publicity and description put out by Mr Herring himself and that was sufficient. One does not have to have read Mein Kampf to know that it is not exactly a bastion of liberal democracy.
As for the claim that Sons of Korah concert across the road in St Peter's will attract more people being nothing but "sophistry and spin", at the time of writing Mr Herring had sold 75 tickets (in a theatre that seats 735). The Sons of Korah had sold 100 plus.
As I said in the interview, it will be interesting to see just how many Dundonians want to mock Christ in the Whitehall Theatre and how many want to praise Him across the road in St Peter's that same evening.
(Rev) David A. Robertson.
St Peter's Free Church"
The bit about not seeing the show being "irrelevant" was interesting and familiar. I think it is very important to know all you can about a subject before you voice an opinion on it, and you really do need to read "Mein Kampf" or at least be informed about what is actually in the book, to make a proper judgement.
I did enjoy the competition that was being set up between me and the band, "The Sons of Korah" and was prepared to make a pact with them that whichever of us got the least audience members should retire from show business, or at least agree never to play Dundee again. It was such a stupid idea to turn it into a contest in the first place (after all ticket sales do not always equate to artistic or actual worth) and I put my faith in God that knowing all the facts (and actually having seen my show) he would deliver the Reverend Robertson a bloody nose and despite the head start that the Sons of Korah had on me (and easy for the Reverend to make his claims when he knew they were well ahead already) would make my show victorious and show that He meant it when He said "Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged".
To be fair to the Reverend I am not sure how much of this "furore" was being whipped up by the local media. It seems he was rung up by the paper rather than the other way round and a journalist did ask if I would meet up and chat with the reverend, but I didn't want to. I might be prepared to debate the show with someone who has seen it (and have done so with various ministers) but I have experienced at first hand the pointlessness of debating this with religious people who have made up their mind without watching the show. And why would I want to have a discussion with someone who has been nothing but dismissive and rude (he called me "childish and juvenile" when he's the one who believes in the big, magic man in the sky who will burn you in a big fire if you don't believe in the exact correct version of him).
The Whitehall Theatre is a lovely, and massive, theatre which is about 100 years old. It's a big long hall with 700+ seats in it and I imagined it would be an incredible place to play if it was full. Of course I was going to have to imagine that, but ticket sales were picking up so it might be a fifth of the way full. It was run by a small but enthusiastic team, running it as an independent venture. I was aware that they were probably going to make a loss on the evening, though I did tell them that my fans do tend to drink quite a lot compared to most theatre crowds (other theatre staff have commented on it) so maybe they would make my fee back on the night. I have met all kinds of different people backstage at theatres on this tour, some of them enthusiatic volunteers interested in the shows rather than making money, some just doing their job and not wanting to make friends, some a bit cold and unhelpful, seemingly only interested in how they can make money. It seems the bigger the theatre the more it turns into a business and the less they care about the acts. But I think that's a mistake. The people at Dundee did not have money to splash around, but I could tell they were enthusiastic about putting on good shows above all else. It was a blow to them that they probably hadn't sold enough tickets to make any money, but they were battling onwards and it made me inclined to be as supportive as possible and at the interval I encouraged the audience to drink heavily (as if Scotland needs pushing in that direction). The helpfulness and enthusiasm of the staff made me keen to come back another time and hopefully build up my audience and get to a point where we would all be financially rewarded for our effort. A lot of acts can't be bothered to come all the way up to the Northern parts of Scotland and most of them won't get any further up the country than Edinburgh. And I can understand that as, like I said, I wasn't particularly relishing the trip. But even if Northern Scotland hasn't yet taken me to its heart, just like the Welsh and the East Anglians and the South Westerners, these strange outsiders are my kind of people and if I can come up here a bit more regularly I am confident I can win them round.
And right at the end as I discussed the fact (lying) that I wouldn't come back to Dundee if the Sons of Korah had done better than me, the journalist from the Courier shouted out that I had sold five more tickets. God had spoken and shone his light upon me. Mine is the true path. I hope St Peter's Free Church will close down and it's flock start to follow me as the true Messiah. I don't think we'll be hearing from the Sons of Korah again.
I was glad that I had been given Heavenly permission to return. I like to have goals and just as one day I hope to play the big room at Wolverhampton (some way off despite returning year on year) I also hope to one day play the Whitehall Theatre and have 700+ people in it. Fuck it, if I do, I might even book the Sons of Korah as a support act. If we'd combined our crowd we'd have had over 300 people already. Let's work together people. Let's not fight.
I was staying in a hotel tonight and getting the train back tomorrow, but Pete is driving home. It felt odd us parting like this after we've been through so much together. Although there are still four gigs to go, this is the last overnight stop of the tour. It was my last chance to make a move and Pete was disappearing into the night. It reminded me of the Lord of the Rings.
I had a glass of wine and read some more of Emma Kennedy's rubbish book (which has made the Sunday Times Best Seller List). How much more rock and roll could I possibly be. Sitting alone in hotel bars. This is what touring is really about. I haven't done much of it this time. 90 down and 4 to go. Mein Kampf is nearly over.
