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Saturday 12th May 2018

Saturday 12th May 2018

5646/18666

What did I do to Richard Osman to make him treat me this way. Six people of the 100 asked recognised the double act Lee and Herring in this disturbing mash-up photo. And having seen it I will never sleep again. But at least now know what our children would have looked like had either of us conceived during our many years of bumming/wanking each other off with puppets.

Of course I have made life very unpleasant for myself by trying to carry on with my tour shows whilst simultaneously attempting to write first drafts of two sitcom scripts for Relativity. Realistically I might get one script done, but am hoping to push myself to at least get a rough framework of some stuff that might happen in the final episode. The read-through is on Tuesday afternoon.
I don’t think I could have worked much harder on these scripts (well maybe back in January, but I was principally involved in childcare then) and we’re now not recording until late June so I am utterly confident that I will have four good and finished scripts by then. But but for happenstance we’d be recording the shows this week too. So thank fuck for happenstance.Instead I will have the mildly humiliating experience of having professional actors have to read my half-formulated crap out loud. 
And the sick-making weekend of trying to sit down and write despite being exhausted from 4.30am starts (at least today there was a solid five hours sleep before that) and late night shows.
Never again, he says as usual. But maybe this time I have learned. When I was a young man of 45 I could still get away with this shit. But I am 50 and 5/6ths now and only 9 years from the previews for Oh Shit I’m 60! and it’s just too much.
But I will get what I can get done for Tuesday and then spend the next week or so completing my (relatively easy) Emergency Questions book and then the early part of June finishing my tour and doing my rewrites/writes of the sitcom. And by July, my friends, should I survive that long, I will have a two to three month break where I enjoy doing summer stuff with my family.
You know, unless some other work comes in and I convince myself it will be easy and fuck everything up again.
Last week I did turn down a very lucrative one day’s work where I would have recorded some podcasts for a car insurance firm. It paid more than I will get for all the work on Relativity (which admittedly isn’t all that much). But it was the right thing to do.
I managed a trip to Little Gym (probably should have taken my daughter - I got some odd looks from the parents joining in with the activities on my own) and a lunch at Prezzo today, before driving home to be then driven to Chippenham. It’s the third time we’ve driven to basically the same place in the space of a month, but somehow there was still an audience (just about 15 people short of a sell out) to see me. I continue to improve the show, much to my chagrin as the new bits will of course never make the filmed version now.
I took the piss out of Corsham a lot. They liked it.
Exhausted on the drive home, I managed to spunk up this blog, as Welsh Ray drove quite aggressively through the rain and surprisingly bad traffic. There were a couple of bona fide traffic jams at midnight, which is always a horrific little sting in the tail on a two hour plus drive home. But we battled through and didn't die in a fireball as I was envisioning. Well not tonight.
Nor did I get anywhere further with the scripts. Of course I didn't.

I shall no more to sea, to sea.
At least not if I have loads of writing to do at the same time.


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