Predictably perhaps I am getting used to drinking alcohol again, after not being very interested in the immediate aftermath of my 100 days abstinence. In fact I have drunk something every night for the last six nights. I have not got drunk and as often as not it has been one or two glasses of wine or beer, but it's a slippery slope and by Edinburgh time I am sure I will be three stone heavier and running round the streets shouting at girls and puking in the gutter. Inevitability is a terrible thing. I hate it.
For the moment things are just about in control, and I am really aiming to get into a routine where I can have a little bit of everything I like, as long as I don't go crazy, but I am veering away from my diet regime a little too, though keeping up with the exercise. I think maybe it's partly that stupid frustration at having worked hard at keeping fit and not having lost any weight for a while and thinking - "Oh well if I am going to put this much effort into it and nothing is going to happen, then I might as well not bother and eat that Magnum Ice Cream." Of course this is stupid logic. The logical thing would be to try even harder, increase the exercise and cut down on the calories, but dieters are stupid.
The other common illogicality you will hear from fat people who are trying to get thin is that it's not fair, because they have a slow metabolism and so can't lose weight like those lucky people who can eat anything they want and never put on a pound. They seem to use this as an excuse not to bother dieting at all and to eat as much as they want. When in fact, if it is the case that your metabolism is somehow slower than average (and it may be so for a small amount of people, but for most I think it's just an excuse) then you should be redoubling your efforts and eating a lot less, rather than more. Yes it might not be fair that your friend can eat chocolate and see no effect (my guess is because your friend is probably a lot more active than you, or doesn't then stuff their face with pies and cream cakes when no one is looking), but since when have things been fair?
I understand these impulses as much as anyone and have yo-yoed in weight over all my adult life. I'd love to think that this time I have managed to get things under control, but fear that it might not work out that way.
So it's time to redouble, rather than give in. I'd really like to lose another half a stone, but overall it's more important that I don't put on another half a stone or four.
I had to write the copy for the back of my leaflet for Edinburgh today. Given the show barely exists this was not too easy, but here's what I came up with -
"What's worse than being a podgy, swotty, virginal schoolboy?
What if your dad's the headmaster too?
In 1981 at the Kings of Wessex Upper School in Cheddar in Somerset, this was the nightmare reality for Richard Herring, son of TK "The Kipper" Herring. How on earth did he cope? And what are the psychological repercussions on his adult life, after a childhood filled with the suspicion and mistrust of his peers.
"TK Junior", as he was satirically known, dusts off his old diaries, rekindles memories that might best have been left forgotten and picks the scabs off of wounds that he thought had healed to discover if he can, as he hopes, blame his upbringing for his adult failures. Is the child the father of the man or are we the architects of our own destiny?
Along the way Herring attempts to answer such pertinent questions as:
Could playing the solo from âGenoâ by Dexy's Midnight Runners in any way compensate for the dweebishness of being second trumpet in the school band?
Would Joanne Thompson have given him the time of day had she known that in just over a decade he would be presenting Top of the Pops?
Could the belch of the century during the minute's silence at the Ascension Day service impress his classmates enough to like him and would his father punish him in front of the whole school?
Was he, as he suspected, going to live of life of historical and philosophical import: a sort of better version of Gandhi and Jesus combined? Or would he just end up telling knob jokes for a living?
Has he ever really, truly got over his childhood sweetheart or do the embers of first love burn forever?
The show may include some of the following:
Maria Coopey doing the Prince Charming dance at the school disco, the Ronco Battery Tester, The Flipside of Dominick Hyde, proper hard O levels (none of your GCSE rubbish), UCCA forms, a singing penis, sarcoptic mange mites, the rat Jesus, watching porn films on Phil Fryâs Betamax video player and complaining about the production values, getting beaten up by Theresa Ford, failing to find the Masquerade Hare, the foolishness of giving teenagers access to Bunsen burners and geometrical compasses, Chesty Morgan and King Dong.
In the 1990s Richard Herring was in the prodigious double act, Lee and Herring, who created the cult classic BBC2 shows Fist of Fun and This Morning With Richard Not Judy. More recently he has written and starred in ITV1's You Can Choose Your Friends, Radio 2's That Was Then, This Is Now and Radio 4's Banter. A Fringe veteran - he first performed here in 1987, this is his 17th Fringe and 23rd show - his previous hit shows include: Ra Ra Rasputin, Punk's Not Dead, Excavating Rita, Christ on a Bike, Talking Cock, Someone Likes Yoghurt, ménage à un and Oh Fuck, I'm 40!"
