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It feels like a little while since I've played the Cambridge Junction, but I have played it a lot and it's a very familiar space. So great to be back. The only downside is that it is in the shadow of the Travelodge that I stayed in i
n 2009 where there was a bogey on my shower curtain. That night is one I often think about as it epitomises how unglamorous showbiz can be. After a cracking gig, the audience disappeared into the night and I sat in the bar of the Travelodge, drinking alone, trying to avoid going to my snot covered room. The show had been like a beautiful soap bubble but it burst and I was plunged back into gloomy reality.
But still I shivered as I past on my way out for a coffee. As much for the drinking alone as the nose-shit in the grotty shower. I wonder if the bogey is still there.
I tweeted this this morning
Thinking of getting into hard drugs. Any suggestions of the best ones to start with - nose cocaines? Arm heroins? Lung marijuanas? Probably won't start til the kids have grown up and left home but then I will be the most fucked up 75 year old you've ever seen.
It was a joke (basically) though a part of me likes the idea. I've lived a sheltered life where I mainly veered away from even the softest of drugs because I was scared of doing a Zammo. Or just hurting my brain (and to be fair now they're in middle-age I do see some correlation between drug users and those who seem to be losing it a bit).
I was rarely offered any drugs either, though do remember one young woman at the Fringe who I'd been getting on well with excitedly telling me they were going to do some cocaines and I excused myself. She looked disappointed. My fear and squareness cost me a snog. And probably by not being involved in that scene I missed out on some jobs too. I have always been terrible at networking, but I think a fair amount of that- especially back in the 90s may have been fuelled by South America.
Anyway I slightly regret my boring and sheltered life, where I ran away from most social engagements due to anxiety and if I stayed I often had to be drunk and so made a tit of myself. But really why take drugs when you're young and life is exciting and fun (in theory) - when you're old and fucked up and have very few pleasures THAT's when to take them. And if they kill you, well, what have you lost?
So maybe in fifteen years time I'll attempt to escape my humdrum life by smoking some lung-cracks. I don't even have alcohol any more, just those cannabis drinks you can get in Waitrose that don't seem to do much. And stone clearing, which is the hardest hallucinogen know to mankind.
I truly wouldn't even know where to start if I wanted to buy drugs. How do people know this stuff? Or more pertinently, how do I not know this stuff?
I got a couple of DMs from people offering to sort me out, including one from a comedian who told me they were the comedian's comedian of drug dealers. It was someone I'd never have suspected. And I think I might write a Breaking Bad style drama about them. I politely declined their offer, but it's good to know they're there for when I want to get fucked up when I'm 72. As long as they haven't been arrested or killed in a gang drug war by that point.
Tonight's gig was great and I don't mind so much about the juxtaposition between being on and offstage these days. Nice to meet some of the audience, but then nice to get in a car and be driven home to my family. I missed them a bit tonight, so I think four nights away might be tough. That's the only bit of touring that I don't like. The solitude of touring is actually a positive thing now. And if I get to a point where I don't like it any more, at least I know where to get some proper hard drugs now.
Not only am I doing Leicester on Friday, I am back on 15th Feb (my first confirmed 2025 gig) with RHLSTP and
you can book here. 
