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The early morning walks aren’t easy, but once you’re out there it turns out they’re not really hard either. And God seems to reward my diligence with some natural 6.30am wonder to keep my spirits up. Today there was a huge rainbow that arced from horizon to horizon. With nothing in the way but trees and hills you could see the whole thing. And nice of God to finally issue this apology to me after all he’s put me through.
Later I went for a walk with Wolfie and Phoebe and discovered the chaos that can ensue when you have two exuberant living beings to take care of. We were in a fairly enclosed field so I decided to risk letting Wolfie off the lead as she’s usually pretty cautious and comes back when she’s called. But today she bolted under a gate and ran off up the path towards the field of horses that she is fascinated, but terrified of. I wanted to give chase, but had to consider my possibly more important responsibilities to the human being I created, so I had to wait for her to catch up with me and then let her know the urgency of catching up with the dog. Imagine what this will be like with another tiny human being in my charge. This stuff is fucked up.
I worried that I’d find Wolfie kicked to death by a horse or shot by a farmer, but instead she was tucking into a fresh pile of horse shit. You had your freedom and that was the first thing you did? Have some pride. Luckily eventually a doggie treat tempted her back to her leash and we carried on with our walk. Phoebe was as fascinated and scared of the horses as the dog, but we got to see one of them doing a shit, which she enjoyed. And she didn’t seem to have any desire to have that for her lunch. So it’s humans 1 dogs 0.
Phoebe said that the horses were mummy and daddy and mistook the female horse’s big belly for a pregnancy and said there was a baby in her. She was upset that there was no Phoebe horse in the field. She is in many ways an idiot.
But she picked a little wild flower/weed for her mum and came home with tales of all the adventures we’d had and the poo we’d seen. To be fair, it wasn’t much different from my scatological blog.
It’s proven too difficult to have a toddler and a puppy in one room with a heavily pregnant woman and a snoring old man, so we’ve decided to have a trial trial separation. Catie and Phoebe are going back to Catie’s mum and I am staying in the one room with the dog, which turns out to be a dire warning of how my life will be if I manage to screw up this relationship (it’s remarkable that I’ve got to nearly 10 years and my wife still seems largely happy with me - I mean you’ve seen the sketches and the podcasts and that’s just the tip of the iceberg). This time it’s only for a few days (enough of our house should be ready to live in by the end of next week- though to be fair the people working on it had originally said that would be the case by the end of May), but one night has been enough to convince me that I must never give my wife any cause to desert me.
Sure it was nice to have some relative peace and quiet, but as I sat drinking a beer and eating a microwaved meal, losing money on online gambling, playing Civ II and failing to find anything to watch on Netflix I was craving the anarchy. After this trial trial separation I am determined that we should never have a trial separation.
I fear that the rest of my family might have been having the time of their life and coming to the opposite realisation.
