Living just outside the citadel of celebrity I rarely get invited to swanky parties and openings and if I do I assume some kind of mistake has been made. On the occasions I've attended I've usually felt a bit awkward so I generally tend to turn down those errant email invites.
But last week (at suspiciously late notice) I was invited to attend an art exhibit based on one of my favourite TV shows, "Breaking Bad" (if you haven't seen it yet, then WATCH IT) and was excited to see that Bryan Cranston (Walter White or Malcolm in the Middle's dad depending on your reference points) would be in attendance. So I thought I'd pop along and my wife (another big fan of the show) was keen to go as well.
It was in a small gallery on the Charing Cross Road and when we arrived there were quite a lot of cool looking media types milling around, drinking champagne, largely not looking at the pictures. There was nobody I knew there and no one off the telly, which confused me further. Why had they invited me? Did someone have a seriously out of date celebrity Yellow Pages (from the week in 1995 when it looked like our show might be a hit) or was this some kind of situationalist prank (let's just invite the worst celebrity we can think of) or had all the proper famous people just declined? Surely not. They had a chance to be in the same room a Walter White. A man in a suit was chatting to a tall woman with a trendy haircut - "Do you like Breaking Bad?" she asked.
"I've never seen it," he replied. I imagined that the exhibition must be going a little over his head, given that all the works were based on quite specific incidents or characters from the show. But he was talking to a cool and attractive woman and she didn't seem to be put off by him being at an event of a thing he knew nothing about, so kudos to him.
As usual I felt a bit awkward and out of place, but at least I could look at the pictures, which were all pretty cool and drink some sparkling wine. There was a big picture of the image from the first season DVD with the head cut out so you could stick your own head in and pretend to be Walter White. I was too self conscious to give this a go. The proper cool people would shower me with disdain.
But then after about 15 minute Bryan Cranston arrived and suddenly everyone stopped being cool. It was extraordinary. This room of preening media types turned into a gaggle of teenage fans and everyone crowded around him, taking photos and queuing up to get their photos taken with him. I felt a bit sorry for him. This was a party and it might be nice for him to get a chance to have a drink and look at the pictures, but he was mobbed. He reacted with a calmness and coolness that was now lacking from everyone else in the place. He patiently chatted and posed for photos and joked around. He seemed lovely. My wife and I didn't want to bother him further and hung back. By now I had spotted two famous people, the bloke who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter and Tracy-Ann Oberman from off of Eastenders (who I've met before and who is lovely). It did seem to be an odd mix of celebrities though. Who put together the list for this? Obviously we need Malfoy, Oberman and Herring and if they come then we don't need anyone else.
Bryan went upstairs and so did nearly everyone else at the party, but we hung back, slightly marvelling both at having been in the presence of one of our favourite actors and at the way he had transformed a room of cynical media types into dribbling puppies. But we were equally excited and already slightly regretting the fact that we hadn't got a photo with him. But then there was another kerfuffle as Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) entered the room. I had not been expecting him to be there and had to stop myself from squealing like a schoolgirl or shouting "Yo Bitch" in his face. Now it was his turn to pose for photos and he was equally charming about it all. My wife now could resist no longer and decided to join the queue and soon enough I was facing them both taking a photo of my wife with Jesse, as he scowled into the camera. I was too shy or self-conscious or let's call it cool to ask for my wife to return the favour.
We then went upstairs where the slight scrum continued and more cameras flashed and the two stars hooked up with each other. My wife, now emboldened also went to get a photo with Walter White, who even an hour into this barrage remained civil and smiling and exchanged small talk. Sometimes after gigs people want their photo taken with me and I am always amazed at how bad people are at operating their own camera phones, but this time I became that guy, failing to have the flash turned on and having to take a second shot.
And though I suppose I knew in my heart that I would regret not having a photo of me with Walter White, I still felt too awkward to do it, even though everyone else in the room had long lost their veneer of cool. I didn't want to impose on him any further. And it was exciting enough just to have exchanged a few brief words.
There were doughnuts decorated with what looked like blue crystal meth (though I suspect it was sugar) although they were very more-ish and we got given a Heisenberg T-shirt as we left and I was at least relaxed enough by now to get my photo taken in the Walter White cut out. I had thought it would be funny if Bryan Cranston had done the same, but someone later tweeted exactly
that shot. What a lovely man he is. My wife's handbag dug into him as they posed and he joked that he was worried that it had been a gun. What a fucking dude.
I am rarely genuinely excited to meet a celebrity and the last person who made me feel like this was probably John Simm, but there was something extraordinary about being in the vicinity of these two and it was delightful to see how giving and friendly (and I have to admit handsome) the pair of them were. Not at all like their characters. These boys can really act. Either in the show, or if they are really like their characters then in this room.
It was a genuine buzz to (even briefly) meet them. I expect they both felt the same about meeting me, but they kept cool about it. I am sure I heard Cranston saying, "Isn't that the guy from the snooker podcast?" But I may have been mistaken.
There's a dazzling new frame of Me1 vs Me2 snooker available
at the British Comedy Guide and on iTunes. Who will win?
