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Monday 16th November 2020


I’m going to take all the vaccines. I am going to take so many vaccines that I actually get the full on disease. But that’s how much I am behind vaccines.
Also it’s the only safe way, because the nanobots in each vaccine will fight and kill the nanobots in rival vaccines. So you beat the disease and the lizards secretly ruling the planet.
Also these vaccines are only 90 or 95% effective, so if you take two then it’s 185% effective. And I like those odds. I really want the vaccine to be killed, then killed again and then stamped on and spat on ideally.
God we’re fucked.

Of course it’s no good there being a vaccine out there if we can’t get it injected into our veins straightaway. We face a winter of trying to avoid getting ill so that we can be saved from the virus in the Spring (optimistic projection). In the meantime a few hundred people will get seriously ill or die every day. And what if one of them is you? And more crucially, what if one of them is ME? Having got through all these months just to succumb whilst the Brexit baracade stops the supplies getting through, is like dying in action in the last few hours before a truce is declared in a war. Just the kind of darkly comic death I deserve.

So try and keep your heads down and keep as fit as you can. I did another mud splattered run this morning - our route blocked by huge puddles that you couldn’t cover up even if you had a massive fucking cloak and my feet and socks were soaked as I waded through them. Feeling good though. And am hoping I can fit back into my nice suits by the end of the month if I carry on with this and my Stopvember of not drinking (2kgs down so far, another couple would put me back at the top of my acceptable weight range). I put out the recycling tonight and unusually there was loads of room in the mixed recycling bin. Can that really be because of two weeks of me not drinking alcohol? To be fair we haven’t been to the supermarket either and have been getting through loose veg, but not sure that accounts for too much recycling.
I listened to Adam Buxton talking to the bloke off of Travis on this run and am loving how great Dr B is getting in his show (as well as being annoyed that he is better than me). There’s a vulnerability to him at the moment because of the stuff he’s been through in the last couple of years, but he was always a sweet and kind-hearted man and I loved the pair discussing (and apologising for) a stupid drunken argument they had had at Simon Pegg’s wedding. Also the jingles and the ads are just sublime. He is rightly the king.

Another frame of self-playing snooker tonight.Not much comedy, but some good sporting incident. Might be starting up a new tournament next week. Dare I go to 64 Mes? 
Listen to tonight’s frame On audio 
Or watch on video 

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