Warming Up

Work went a lot better today. I wrote another chapter and made some progress on a couple more. I have 7 out of 20 sections in good first draft order and maybe 3 or 4 more partially written. I am not entirely sure what I am covering in the book (it’s an introduction with 19 questions answered) so I got my impermanent marker out and tried to list where I’d got to on my whiteboard and I have ideas for 18 of the 19 questions so I am getting an idea of the shape of the finished thing. I am going to aim to overwrite a bit she might do more than I need to and then pare it back. I have 11 days to my deadline. I am still hopeful that I can get close. It’s been percolating for 2 months now and deadlines mean that lots can get done in a short period of time. I have a lot to cover in a short book and I am finding the central argument difficult as there are lots of contradictions in any argument about this subject (International Men’s Day and how it should be celebrated and if it should be celebrated). I also want to make it a funny book, which again is tricky when you’re talking about a lot of serious topics. But I feel like I am getting the balance right. Even if I haven’t quite gelled my conclusions just yet.

Phoebe’s tooth was wobbling at precarious and vertiginous angles. It’s so alarming to see a tooth at 90 degrees to its fellows even when you know it’s meant to be like that. I was fascinated too. I would recoil in horror but then ask to see it again. I hoped I could be there at the birth and delayed getting back to work at lunchtime as it seemed so imminent, but it didn’t come out until after 5pm, just as I was about to come downstairs for dinner.  

There was a gap in Phoebe’s smile and the tiniest sliver of enamel to temporarily sate the unquenchable thirst of the tooth fairy. Phoebe was now excited and proud, though a little worried about the new tooth that would replace this one and if it would hurt. I phoned the tooth fairy to check she could make it through in spite of lockdown. She seemed confident. We placed the tiny tooth in a little bag (a clever idea from my wife as this tooth is so tiny that it might be hard to find on its own) and Phoebe put in a little daisy that she’d had in her hair as a gift. The whole thing was just pure loveliness.

It turns out that I had imagined the conversation on the phone though because once the kids were asleep my wife told me that I was the tooth fairy. I had no idea all these years. No wonder I am always tired and so after we’d done our various on-line jobs and watched Rick and Morty illegally, we snuck into her room and made the switch. It’s the con of the century.

But a con, where the con artists end up a pound down, so it’s not all bad.

Les Dennis talking about Amanda Holden being mistaken for his daughter has been nominated as “Moment of the Year” at the British Podcast Awards.  You can also vote for any of my podcasts in the Listener Vote here.