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I am feeling a bit more confident about being left to look after Phoebe on my own. Catie was going to the hairdressers this morning, so there was a lot of daddy/baby time. I tried to keep Phoebe entertained with her monkey toy and was appalled when she started French kissing it. Should I be disgusted with her for her bestiality or the monkey for his paedophilia? Or should I just join the current trend and be disgusted with everyone. I am going to try not to be a judgemental dad and if my daughter wants to French kiss a toy monkey then I must support her lifestyle choices.
We were going to meet Catie for lunch in Hammersmith and this was the first time I was taking the baby out on my own. My wife asked on the phone if I was going to put her in a coat and we decided a blanket would do. I was glad she’d asked as I might just have brought her out in what she was wearing. I am not sure. It’s a whole lot of effort to remember everything that you need to bring with you (the baby is the most important one, but can be overlooked) and it took me half an hour to get out of the house. I had been led to believe that the minute I got outside on my own with a baby I would be swamped by women oohing and aahing over the child and then, by association me. I only agreed to have a baby as I thought it would increase my sex appeal. But not a single woman gave this slightly out-of-breath and tired old man a second look. I had hoped to use Phoebe as a calling card in order to impregnate hundreds of other females, but looks like that’s not going to work our for me.I couldn’t even get a Frenchie off a toy monkey. I suppose I have to brace myself for the first person who mistakes me for Phoebe’s grandad.
It was great fun to do something as a family, even if Phoebe slept right through it and we are getting more adept at managing our time, so hopefully can do this kind of thing more (as well as find time to go to the gym and do some proper work).
Tonight I made a vegetable pie and we watched some telly. I’ve seen loads of clips of John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight and been very impressed, but now it’s on Sky Atlantic so I’ve watched a couple of full episodes. It is extremely impressive stuff, properly funny, but full of righteous fury and properly satirical, to the extent that it feels (unusually for satire) that it might make a difference. A segment about the way that poor people were getting caught up in a terrifying debtor’s prison situation as their parking or seat-belt fines are farmed out to a company that does the equivalent of a payday loan on them, felt like something from the nineteenth century. And there was something Dickensian about this show picking up on this and pulling the unfair policy apart, whilst still finding time for laughs. Hugely impressive stuff and I couldn’t help but think of the gig I had done in Aldershot with John and his double act partner Andy Zaltzman where we had all died on our hole. Arguably John has gone on to have the most successful career (there isn’t time to discuss it, but there are loads of counter arguments to what you’re thinking), but that’s partly why I love this business. I don’t think anyone would have predicted any kind of success for any of us that night and John’s career trajectory is incredible. It’s a shame that he has had to go to America to produce something like this, though maybe it’s partly his outsider’s eye that makes it work so well. It’s the most effective and affecting political comedy that I’ve ever seen. I am delighted for John as it’s a totally deserved success. Meanwhile I return to the same venue in Aldershot on Thursday.
Not that I am complaining. It’s now one of my favourite venues to play. Just funny how things work out. I wonder if any of the audience from that fateful night have made the connection and realised who they had in their midst though.
