6662/19582
So losing a bollock is a bit annoying, but after just a day and a bit of getting to stay in bed and not having to do any child care I am considering taking the other one off next week. This is the best holiday I’ve had in six years.
My daughter (who is not the most expressive child when it comes to showing love to her dad) keeps bringing me snacks and I appreciate the gesture. She sat next to me to play Minecraft. This is how she lets me know that secretly she loves me.
Recuperation seems to be going quickly. It was a mildly difficult and uncomfortable night, but by the afternoon I was able to wee like a normal man again. Worryingly I haven’t done a poo since before the operation, which is very out of character for me - I’m a 50 a day man. But it does suggest that the right testicle plays some part in defecation, so again all of this has been of immense medical and scientific use.
I guess the rest of my body has got a bit nervous about what I might do to it if it’s not doing things right. My intestines are maybe just trying to lay low and not draw attention to themselves in case that means they’re next. This is a good way to show my other organs that I am serious and they’d better keep in fucking line.
Otherwise I spent my day watching TV quizzes and 90s movies and trying to get my newly fixed computer to work. It seemed to be struggling to upgrade or to recognise previous hard drives etc, but I think I got it going by the end of the day. Hope the NHS are better at fixing stuff than Apple. Though thanks to them for speeding things along for me at least.
So far there’s no psychological fall out to the bollock loss. I think some men associate their manliness with their balls and certainly they do feature figuratively in many of the saying associated with masculinity. But they don’t feel like that to me. When it came down to it there wasn’t even a second’s hesitation that this one had to come out. I was offered a prosthetic, but can see no earthly reason for me to have one. Others may feel they need to appear or feel complete and I am not knocking that decision, but it’s not like an eye or a breast or a limb - it’s not something that most people will ever see - I am not sure anyone really pays them that much attention when they’re both there. If my wife didn’t know it had happened I think there’s a good chance she wouldn’t even notice the difference.
Men are putting in prosthetics it for themselves, I guess, to make themselves feel like they are still complete - but they must know they aren’t. I am sure this is me being weird and I think the doctor who told me that this was what had to happen was a bit taken aback by my casual acceptance of removal. But I’d been ready for it (even though I didn’t think it would happen) and it was becoming a one baller was a no brainer for me.
If they could have put an actual stone in there and got me one step towards transforming me into a stone man, then I’d have been up for a prosthetic, of course.
I suppose it’s about feeling virile or powerful for some men, but for me manliness (if it is even a thing) is about something very different. Or at least the way I think of myself as a man isn’t dependent on a full set of genitalia (or any genitalia or a particular kind of genitalia). And yes, if I didn’t have kids or was 22 I think I might feel very differently about that. If I end up losing fertility now then that will have no impact on my life, beyond the reassurance that we’re stopping at two kids. Which I am pretty sure we were anyway.
If they’d told me that the cock had to come off then I would have probably had a bit more of a mental crisis and I don’t think I’d be so blasé in the aftermath. But it would still have been the same decision. I want to be around for as long as possible. I’ve got kids. But more importantly I’ve got puppets.
The kids will be OK, but without me, the puppets are screwed.
