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Sunday 25th August 2019

6106/19035

Fully shaved for my final show of this (and any?) Edinburgh Fringe. And though it looked touch and go, I also hit the arbitrary show average of 200 audience members per show. I actually sold 16 more tickets than I needed to do. Meaning I got close to 201 average. But didn’t make it. 
I worked out that my landlord had made £1.67 from every ticket sale. The taxman gets approx £2.50. It’s a pretty strong result for people sitting on their arses. I will have made some money too and I sat down throughout the shows too. So that just proves it. 
I am one of the lucky ones who But I increasingly wish I’d just bought a house in Edinburgh in 1987 and lived off the profits.
Ernie has been waking up increasingly early over the last few days and today treated us all to a 4am start. Which at least gave us loads of time to clean the house so we didn’t have to give my landlord even more money and pack up our stuff so that we could make a hasty exit and leave almost as soon as the show was over.
I was giddy with tiredness and detergent fumes and then attempted to stagger across town with a bag of wine and beer. Nothing felt real by this stage.
I had a very enjoyable chat with Flo and Joan and then John Kearns (who had kindly come on to the podcast even though he’d finished his show the day before). I was in a skittish mood and it was a stupid waste of everyone’s time, but the audience seemed to like it and even John didn’t mind too much that I wasn’t asking him any questions and was literally counting down the time to the end.
And then bang, we were out of there. We took the chance of splitting the journey and getting a family room at the UK’s best service station, Tebay. And it worked out pretty well as we got there at about 6pm and had dinner and then all fell exhausted into bed at about 8pm. Apart from Ernie who tried to pull the cot apart. But finally went down.
We slept in England for the first time in nearly a month. And already the Fringe felt like an unlikely dream. Thanks to everyone who came and made my show the 50% sales success that I was dreaming of.


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