8187/21107
Is it really 21 years since I did the Marathon? Weirdly I felt like a veteran at the time, but I was only 36. I am fairly confident that I won't be doing it ever again, but never say never. I might have another crack at a half, if I ever feel well again.
We had a late check out at the hotel, but frustratingly I still woke up at 7am, but took it easy, had a long breakfast and a bath. I thought I might be feeling better, but the family Facetimed me at midday and it was the first time I spoke (apart from ordering porridge at breakfast) and I quickly realised that I was still fucked.
But at least it was a very short journey to Newcastle and the hotel was literally next door to the venue, so I wouldn't destroy myself with a long walk carrying heavy bags.
It was good not to have the travel, but it does mean you have a lot of time to kill before the gig (and it was a late start today) and I thought about getting some sleep, but just read and chilled and then tried to find some food. Everything I looked at made me feel nauseous, so I finally went for a basic cheese and ham toastie at Costa, which felt like a hate crime, but it was all I could stomach. It's not like I regularly branch away from Pret or M and S salads on tour, though at least there are some more healthy options.
Though it had been a late lunch I realised I needed more food before the gig, but again I didn't have the desire for anything even as complicated as a burger.
At the end of the street where the stand is, a homeless guy was asking for change. I didn't have any change as I pay for everything with my watch now. The decline of the cash economy must really be hitting homeless people hard. Buskers have card readers now, but I am not sure how asking for card donations would play if you're begging for money. I told him I was sorry and he said, "You look like an artist."
I don't know if that's true, but I awkwardly thanked him anyway. I guess I don't look like too many 57 year old men. Maybe he thought that that was the kind of compliment that would make me reconsider a gift. And it was quite a discombobulating comment. I am not an artist (and if I am my paint is made of cock jokes), but for a man of conventional tastes from a conventional family, I have led an unconventional life. Though I guess all this comment really boiled down to was that I have long hair.
I ended up in Greggs, which I've been a bit sniffy about in the past, based on nothing but my own prejudice and the belief that it's all sausage rolls, but they do pretty decent sandwiches, even at 6pm on a Sunday. There was a security guard in the store, which felt like a bit much for a sandwich shop, but there was a little drama as I queued to pay as the guy in front of me was asked to open his bag and was accused of stealing bottles of pop. I don't know if he was guilty or not - he claimed he'd bought the cokes somewhere else and it would have been audacious to just put them in his bag when the shop had security and only three customers. But then again, the security guard must have seen something. He didn't ask me to empty my pockets and from the reaction of the staff I got the feeling that they might have encountered this guy before.
It says a lot about how desperate things have got in this country that so much stuff is being taken from Greggs that it's worth them employing someone to stop it happening. How many sandwiches and mozzarella bites and packs of crisps do you have to be losing to justify the wages of an extra staff member. I doubt the guard got paid very much (though he took his job seriously) but then Greggs doesn't have many diamond necklaces on display.
I got another cheese sandwich and unusually for this store, I paid for it and as I had to retrace my steps I then immediately regretted the fact that I hadn't bought an extra sandwich for the homeless guy.
I'd expected another tricky show tonight, but the double cheese sandwich did the trick and I had energy right from the start. Despite it being a late Sunday show and having played this venue on the last tour, it seemed pretty packed in there and it was a great audience. Though I'd consider this show a theatrical monologue, it is so packed with jokes that it plays almost better in a stand up club. Doctor Stand Up Club worked for me and I forgot about being tired and ill and had a blast.
11 shows left, Birmingham (LAST FEW TICKETS), Lincoln, Leek(SOLD OUT), Salford, Harrogate, Warwick Arts, Newhampton, Northampton, Stevenage, Salisbury, Bristol.
Tickets and details here.
I am doing a RHLSTP in Chesham on 24th May at 1pm! Don't know who the guest will be yet, just know that it won't be Alex Horne (who is not available).
Tickets here.
