Warming Up

My wife went into the kitchen to get us a drink, after a mildly boozy day in the garden with friends. I heard a pop, which I took for another prosecco cork being opened, but at the same time Catie shrieked in surprise. “Are you OK?” I shouted.

My wife (always keen to squeeze maximum drama out of everything) didn’t reply.

“What was that?” Are you all right?”

“I don’t know,” she mysteriously responded. Did she not know what had made the noise (which seemed unlikely) or did she not know if she was all right (which seemed unlikely)? Had someone shot her?

I was going to have to go into the kitchen to find out.

My wife was unharmed and unshot as far as I could see. But confused. The noise had come from the fridge shortly after she’d opened it. I looked in, expecting to see a sparkling wine bottle that had somehow discharged its cork, but instead I found alien-like brown ice crystals sliding down the back wall of the fridge and a can of coke on its side. Had a portal to the afterlife opened in my fridge like in the original cock-filled Ghostbusters (I may have seen the porn version)?

Probably not.

The can had been tight against the back wall in a fridge packed with food for our lunch-party and despite the fridge temperature being at 4 degrees, the contents had frozen and then, just now, exploded.

It didn’t seem possible. Explain that with your precious science. It can’t be done. A can of coke can’t mysteriously freeze at 4 degrees celsius and then explode for no reason. It’s literally impossible.

In the night I had heard our ghost baby again. At least I was in the bedroom with my son who was asleep, heard some shouting out, gone to see my daughter and found her sleeping soundly. What’s more likely? Her shouting out in her sleep or ghost children? Or I imagined it? I think we all know. It’s a ghost baby. And the exploding can is the latest attempt to freak us our or kill us.

As it happened no one was killed by the flying frozen cola, but I elected to clean the fridge,  because I reckoned I’d probably put the can at the back of the fridge like an idiot, or at least done something to annoy the ghost baby. And that job was really hard and annoying, so well done dead child. You didn’t live long, but you’re making up for it now.

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