5695/18715
We visited some friends on the south side of London and had a great time playing on a trampoline and in a paddling pool in their garden, but it meant three hours in a hot car with two young children and two hangovers (I wish we could stop the kids drinking, but they insist on looking cool) which was a bit of a challenge. Only become friends with parents within a five minute perimeter of your house. Even if they are horrible pricks without a trampoline. Sure our friends were nice and cooked us lovely food. But I'd rather have been eating broken glass with a prick down the road if it kept me off the roads on a Sunday (not really - it was worth the trip. I just joking).
On the way back we went via the Dartford crossing, which operates a rather futuristic and unfair toll system. You have to pay £2.50 to go over or under the river, but you also have to do that by going online. What if you forget? I told Catie to remind me when we got home.
But with two kids to feed and bathe, naturally we forgot. The consequences can’t be too bad right? It’s only £2.50. You’re wrong. You’re looking at a fine of £35 if you’re quick or £70 if you’re not. Or over £100 if you’re really not quick. Luckily I remembered about it suddenly in the early afternoon of Monday (and you get until midnight the next day to pay to avoid the fine).
I would have thought this internet system was put in place to keep things moving along. But it took 15 minutes of queuing to get through the tunnel even on a Sunday evening. Phoebe enjoyed it at least. Though she thought I was silly when I said we were driving under a river. But I did think that would make a good soothsayer prophecy. You will die underwater - the person avoids water their whole life, then dies driving through a tunnel. C’mon Greek Gods. Pull your fingers out of your cloacas and make that happen.
I looked at the cars around me as I queued to use this cheap but potentially expensive tunnel. There were loads of them. Ian Dartford must be making upwards off £90 a day off of all those £2.50s and that’s not including the fines.
Someone on Twitter just told me that the fines alone raised £92.3 million pounds last year. Someone else told me that 150,000 cars use the crossing a day. So maybe £95 then. I am in the wrong business. I should just be a tunnel. With a slightly complex payment system.
People going the other way seemed to get to go over a massive and amazing bridge. Yet they were paying the same as me for my tunnel of unexpected death. What a swizz!
