5361/18281
The effort of nine hours of driving and three gigs in a weekend got to me a little bit and it was a tough drive to Edinburgh, followed by a stressful time trying to navigate through to Teviot Square to pick up our keys. I got stuck going the wrong way in a one-way bit but finally got back on to the streets of Edinburgh, where roadworks and traffic jams added to my blood pressure.
Finally we got to the flat, which was a bit bigger than I had imagined and on first inspection seemed great. It had a toilet brush for starters. But the rooms were a nice size and there’s even a bonus little office space for me to work in (predictably there are some rewrites on the sitcom script).
But our expectations were low after the awful flat we stayed in three years ago. And for the amount we are paying we should be living in luxury, but slowly we realised that the kitchen was pretty dirty (and the fridge had some rotting food in it and compartments swimming in fridge juice) and the kitchen equipment was pretty old and some of it dirty. But we have a toilet brush so I can’t complain too much. Ironically there was a note telling us that if we left the flat dirty at the end then we would be charged for professional cleaners. It’s a shame that these things don’t cut both ways, or that the landlords aren’t expected to spend some of their huge rental windfall on making sure that there are no rusty knives and that the pans aren’t from the 1970s. But I have given up expecting anything to change. As usual there will be a trip to the shops tomorrow to buy replacements for the stuff that is too horrible to use. Maybe this is the year that as a sarcastic gesture/art installation about the expense of Edinburgh, I will spend £50,000 on doing up the flat so that is worth what we have been charged for it.
Luckily we do need to buy some new stuff for our own new house, so the expense isn’t entirely wasted this time. As long as we take the things home. And imagine the owner’s face if they came back to find their place sarcastically upgraded. They’d be furious at the slight.
We did our usual drive down to Tesco to stock up on food for the flat and then drove back to the flat. I was probably a little bit too tired and a little stressed and somehow went the wrong way on the short drive home. Finally I was back on track and had to turn right into the road our flat is near. A car was coming the other way so I pulled across quickly, only to find that a man had decided to cross the road at this exact moment and was right in front of me. I hadn’t seen him when I began the turn, but to be fair he clearly hadn’t looked to see that I was coming. But fortunately instinct kicked in and I emergency braked and though he stumbled backwards at my approach, fortunately I didn’t start my Fringe by injuring a Scotchman.
He shouted at me to look where I was going - although that was an accusation that could be levelled at him too of course and he was pretty fortunate that my reactions had been so good. But tiredness and stress had played their part for me and I was relieved that there was no more injury than hurt feelings. All publicity is good publicity of course and the people of Edinburgh might finally take notice of me if I start killing them off one by one. But I came within milliseconds of fucking up someone’s day, month or year (or possibly life) and I was a bit shaken up.
My tech was tonight, annoyingly at 8pm til 10pm when I’d really have liked to have been asleep. Things are looking good though. It’s great to be back in Pleasance 1 for the first time in 18 years and we have an impressive backdrop for the show which looks really great. I still have to find some music for the show and you know, write the thing properly. But it’s a great team in the venue and my tech Maia is on top of everything.
I took cabs there and back, so as not to risk murdering potential audience members. Though given the amount of extra rent money I have given to Edinburgh over the years I would probably be allowed to kill one person and walk free. I’ve earned that right.
