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No more phantom music, but tonight the kitchen lights tripped again, so the ghost is finding other ways to torment us. I wonder if it just objects to our meal plans. One of the rings on the hob is a bit dodgy too.
It’s all linked. C’mon sheeple. There’s a ghost in my kitchen. And it hates me, my meals and one of my balls.
The mystery of my enlarged bollock continues. Today I went into hospital for a CT scan. These perverted doctors are just obsessed with getting the best picture of the inside of my balls and are pretending they want to have a look at everything else too, just to be sure.
Hey look, I am a bit nervous about all this. But I am feeling well and there’s lot of not particularly scary things it could be. Thoughts of the worst case scenario are difficult to push down, but things are moving quickly enough and there should be answers soon. And it’s not a bad thing to be reminded that life is impermanent and fragile and to enjoy its beauty and the wonderful things your kids do while you’re here. I just hope that the upshot is that I am going to be here, so I can stop appreciating life’s beauty again and play games on my phone rather than paying any attention to my children.
I felt a bit of a fraud waiting for my turn at the hospital. The other people in the waiting room were all quite a bit older than me (though I think of myself as 25 so I might be wrong) and mainly looked properly ill. They were in wheelchairs or in a couple of cases wheeled in in beds. I was sitting writing my blog and thinking of stuff I could do with puppets in tonight’s Twitch of Fun, But it’s awesome that the NHS are taking things this seriously and being thorough and of course it’s good that we’re looking into it as early as possible. Hopefully we’re about 30 years early.
The CT machine is fun and I could pretend I was in Total Recall.. I think I have had something like this done before. They inject dye into your bloodstream and I’d had a couple of warnings that that can give you a sensation like you’re wetting yourself. I vaguely remember being told that in the past and then being disappointed that I didn’t get to feel that sensation. And once again the procedure failed to do anything other than make my arm feel a bit uncomfortable. Where’s my feeling like I’ve wet myself?
Maybe that last time was when I had my heart scare, where they thought that it was beating wrong. But then discovered that my heart just beats in its own way and was perfectly healthy. Can’t wait for them to find out my balls are equally individual and just doing their own magnificent thing.
Though I am worried about what Jesus said about all this, “He who lives by the genitals, dies by the genitals” but Jesus also predicted that the world would be ending within the lifetime of Biblical people, so what does he know?
I was a bit concerned that the CT machine is made by the same company that makes my microwave and washing machine. Hey, I’d prefer a company that specialises in CT machines, please. What if they accidentally put one of their microwaves in this CT machine casing? What if they put me on the wrong spin cycle or I came out pink?
I also noticed that on the edge of the scanning bit, just above my eyeline, there was a noticeable dent/scratch in the machine. I amused myself by wondering how this had happened. But it can only be an Arnold Schwarzenegger style Total Recall attempted escape, or someone forgot to take off their metal objects, which flew up into the machine at high speed. It’s funny what you hone in on as you’re waiting to see if you get an sensation like you’ve pissed yourself. There has to be a story there though, right. CT machines don’t just get dents on them for no reason.
It was all super efficient. I was seen at 3.05 exactly, which was the time of my appointment and it took 5 minutes to be scanned, as promised. I’d hope they could just then give me a read out of which of my aged organs were about to give out, but I have to wait another week (seriously all this stress is enough to give someone cancer). I had to wait 20 minutes to have the dye distributing nozzle removed from my arm. The staff remained cheerful (I think the nurse who removed the valve might even have been called Merry). It must be a tough place to work, given that most people who come through are potentially seriously or gravely ill. Maybe they let through the odd completely healthy person just to keep spirits up.
Fingers crossed.
I was back home by just after 4 and nothing can stop Twitch of Fun going out. It’s always filled with existential angst, but my day gave it a bit of extra tension, which is great for art. And art is all that matters.
