5669/18689
The tour over and then today I finished the first draft of the new Emergency Questions book. I don’t think I can claim that the work on this project is done, but I don’t think it’s too far off.
Another weight lifted from my shoulders I felt energised and tried to get lots of other bits and bobs completed too. I signed and defaced the Penguin Race games for the kickstarter backers and sent them off to Chris Evans (not that one), paid in the last of the SCOPE collection money, ending the tour with £11569.32 and a total of over £20,000 including Edinburgh and the original donations.
Feel free to chuck in some more if you missed the buckets or simply want to support a brilliant cause.
That takes the running total since 2004 up to somewhere around £330,000. A third of a million. I only need to keep going for another 28 years and that will be a million. No tour next year, so maybe no programme, though I might do one for the podcasts instead. It’d be a shame for Scope to miss out because of my laziness.
I then came home and made dinner. I threw together a pasta bake. My wife had bought a tub of mozzarella balls which I thought would go nicely in the dish. But I couldn’t pull the plastic on the top back - even though it had a little flap to pull, it was on too tight for any human being to pull with their hand. Like any sensible person I elected to use my teeth. Which worked. But I ended up with a mouth of salty mozzarella water.
Well played Ian Mozzarella. Your practical joke came off perfectly and I had a mouth of salty, cheesy liquid. It was bit watery, but I know what you were going for there. That’s the last time I try and get at your balls with my mouth.
But the joke’s on Ian Mozzarella because I can sell that piece of material to Ben Elton or Michael McIntyre and make about £75. Which is more than I charge to suck men off behind the bus station. But will the mozzarella ball tub resonated with the audience who like observational comedy, or will they think that the comedian who delivers this stuff has got above themselves?
If I can afford mozzarella balls then who knows what kind of cheese Elton and Macintyre have. They probably have an artisan farmer herding buffalo in their back garden and giving it to them fresh. Getting a tub of mozzarella from Tesco might actually make them seem like men of the people.
Who knows? Comedy is a tough business. I am glad I am out of it.
