Our friends are staying with their three-year-old daughter so I took an official day off (unlike all the others where I am meant to be, but still largely failing to work) and went to do some child-friendly activities in London. First up was the Science Museum where there's a room called "The Garden" in the basement where young scientists can experiment with noise and vision and water. I was slightly hungover and so a room full of exuberant toddlers hammering on drums and xylophones wasn't the greatest start to my day, but the kids had fun. In the sound section there were a couple of benches and if you sat on one of them an impressive fart sound resonated around you. I thought this was brilliant - even as an adult I wouldn't have expected such an earthy gag to pop up (or out) in a museum, but if I had been a child this would have blown my mind (as well as my hat off). But none of the kids were that impressed. Was it just that the cacophony in the space meant the joke didn't register or are children more sophisticated than me these days? If there's a new generation emerging that are not amused by rectal retorts then my career is in serious danger. It's all I have now.
We lunched at the Rainforest Cafe on Shaftesbury Avenue, which has some slightly raggedy looking animatronic animals to keep the kids entertained. The one accompanying us certainly enjoyed the grunting gorilla a lot more than she'd liked me sitting on a fart bench. And the staff worked hard at keeping the kids entertained and involved and it's worth pretending it's your birthday because if it is at the end of the meal they make you stand on your chair and get the whole restaurant to sing Happy Birthday to you and give you a bit of cake with a candle in it (there might be an age cut off with this service, but I am going back in July to find out). It's unashamedly touristy and very expensive and the food isn't all that and you could get a proper posh meal at a nice restaurant, but a man dressed up as a frog tried to steal the children's ice cream and danced flirtatiously with my wife when I wasn't there. I am not sure he worked for the chain. He'd just seen an opportunity to get free dessert and sexually harrass women without anyone batting an eye-lid. It's probably got to the point where even the staff think he's on the pay-roll and is officially sanctioned, but if anyone bothers to check they'll just find an enterprising pervert with a frog costume, covered in ice cream and other unguents.
So, you know, some people might think it's worth the money. But it's not the kind of place you'd want to go without kids and I was surprised to see a couple of middle-aged women dining there together. Perhaps they just love anamatronic elephants.
There were bar stools designed to look like the hind quarters of various animals and I forgot to get a photo of me sitting on the zebra one. It would have given you an idea of what the offspring of me and an okapi would look like. I suppose my only option now is to actually breed with an okapi. I am not sure I can afford to go back to the restaurant again.
And tonight I finally got to see Tony Law's Edinburgh show. He was on right before my podcast right through August, but I never got to the venue in time to watch it for free, but I was glad I made the effort to book tickets now he's in London. It's silly and surreal and there aren't many actual jokes in it, but it's not just unconnected nonsense and he quickly pulls you into his world. There's a really magical bit where he accompanies his comedy with a steel drum (which tonight was encouragingly heckled by a West Indian man at the back of the room) Like Rob Delaney he can take his comedy to some darker and stranger places because you trust that he is a good guy and that he's making proper satirical points behind the madness. In the hands of another comedian his conversation between an African and Indian elephant could turn into something unpleasant and offensive, but it spirals off into a self-destructive, but seemingly never ending routine where the issues and comedy is neatly deconstructed. It turned into an elephant themed day for me with a feel-good elongated non-end ending that left the audience almost literally glowing with happiness. It's great to see him getting nominated for awards and selling out shows after grafting away for ten years. He's doing
a few tour dates so look out for him. Great to see a comedian who can be foolishly funny but sharp and clever without being clever clever and who isn't concerned with demonstrating how cool he is - though ironically in spite of or maybe because of that Tony is effortlessly cool. And he's another genuinely nice guy in real life, though I am hoping success will turn him into a prick and destroy him. Fingers crossed.
