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Friday 6th September 2019


If you’re pretending you’re trying to get a deal, at least go to Brussels and pretend to negotiate. This guy is so lazy he can’t even be bothered to do the work to make his subterfuge believable. He thinks we’re thick. And he’s probably right.
There’s no good way out of this now. Let’s see how hard the punch is and try to ignore that it’s our own fist hitting us.

It was a good first week at school for my daughter who won the Star of the week award for her class. I don’t know how they ascertained it (and two other kids won it too) as they’ve mainly just been playing so far, but it puts her under enormous pressure to retain her crown. If she comes back next week without a star of the week certificate she’s going to be in a lot of trouble. What if this is her only school achivement? What if she's 25 and still saying, "Yeah, well I was star pupil in week one of primary school, don't forget it!"?
And so living my life vicariously through my children begins and I start to understand why so many parents turn into arrogant nightmares
Still she won. She won. I am so pride. In you face all you loser 4 year olds. My daughter is the best!

We’re slowly working our way towards fulfilling the last kickstarter - predicted time for delivery has always been November as we have a lot to do for this one. But today I got a delivery of about 160 snooker balls and spent half an hour signing some of them. Which would be weird in itself, given I am a comedian not a snooker player, but I had to sign them each six times as various different versions of myself. Wait til you see the display cases for these kickstarter backers -they are going to blow your tiny minds.
And at least this is less mad than picking up about 200 stones also to be displayed in cases.
I love you guys.
And today we laughed our latest kickstarter, this time to try and raise some of the money to film the 50+ podcasts that we’re filming on the road this year.  I think we might have the best rewards yet for this one - a lovingly designed Trump card game featuring me and some of my favourite guests, plus T shirts and badges and stickers based on these designs. We really need more than the £50,000 target to film the many, many shows we have coming up (and pay for the ones we’ve already done), but let’s cross one bridge at a  time. As always we’ve tried to make the rewards worth the money in themselves and if you pick some of the exclusive ones I am fairly confident that you will have items that will retain or increase in value. But what’s the fun in that. You want to play with them, right. Thank God you’re all like me. It makes it easier to think about the stuff that you’d like to own. Head to the kickstarter page to join in.

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